A friend described a woman as "attractive in a 'chick shooting the puck at the Hawks game' sorta way" and I knew EXACTLY what he meant.

Spike Albrecht is going to touch his first boob tonight.

In what has been an electrifying playoff season thus far, this dude is the MVP.  http://yfrog.com/od37258736j 

@young_rita_ That's @gracefulshannon's future husband.

@partytimeberent Well, ChiliTime, some nanners are more shy than others. Give them another day before you cuss out the Jewel's produce dept.

 http://albuquerque.craigslist.org/evg/3827510462.html …

Sure. RT @perfgfhandbook I just want to love you with everything that I am, please let me.

#AFollowerThatiWannaFight Dirt.

Asked for plastic at Whole Foods and the cashier stabbed me and now I'm dead.

Kelly's squawking about difficult yoga poses, internships, and their friend Brittny. Hannah's laughing about books with mouthfuls of chow.

These games suck. I'm gonna go roofie myself and jack off.

Chester and I are making a Leprechaun trap w/ 15 year old candy. Enjoy the tummy ache, ya greedy bastard.  http://yfrog.com/mnioyzvj 

Any shoes can be loafers if you take a dump in them.

Chicago summer is p cool except for the plaid shorts + tucked in Cubs polo + Cubs visor + Sperry's + Oakley's with Croakies guys.

College bound teens, please don't fret if you're not smart enough to get into Northwestern.  http://yfrog.com/ob8nofgzj 

"If you get 1 thing out of my talk today, let it be this: girls who dress up as flappers on Halloween rarely do stuff." - Chet, the cool RA

You sick bastards who don't put your Thin Mints in the freezer can seriously all go fuck yourselves.

Just counted 7 people* running on Lakeshore path.

*stupid assholes

If a person doesn't post a Facebook status about a trip being "officially booked" then is it ever actually booked?

"I could see you being a Russell Brand fan.." is the lowest of low blows.