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A friend described a woman as "attractive in a 'chick shooting the puck at the Hawks game' sorta way" and I knew EXACTLY what he meant.
Spike Albrecht is going to touch his first boob tonight.
Asked for plastic at Whole Foods and the cashier stabbed me and now I'm dead.
Kelly's squawking about difficult yoga poses, internships, and their friend Brittny. Hannah's laughing about books with mouthfuls of chow.
These games suck. I'm gonna go roofie myself and jack off.
Any shoes can be loafers if you take a dump in them.
Chicago summer is p cool except for the plaid shorts + tucked in Cubs polo + Cubs visor + Sperry's + Oakley's with Croakies guys.
"If you get 1 thing out of my talk today, let it be this: girls who dress up as flappers on Halloween rarely do stuff." - Chet, the cool RA
You sick bastards who don't put your Thin Mints in the freezer can seriously all go fuck yourselves.
Just counted 7 people* running on Lakeshore path.
If a person doesn't post a Facebook status about a trip being "officially booked" then is it ever actually booked?
"I could see you being a Russell Brand fan.." is the lowest of low blows.