If @iamenidcoleslaw and @robdelaney had a love child, it would be this... http://t.co/s82eexI4

If I worked at Frito Lay, I would fart in a chip bag right before it was sealed.

#ThingsaStalkerWouldSay The condoms in your nightstand are expired.

#ff @sgtbuttcheeks @baddbryant @floridachad @slayersays @robdelaney @iamenidcoleslaw They've been killing me softly all week!

Goodnight Colorado. I've never been in you before today. You're beautiful....

@douchebigalow22 I'd pay him a thousand bucks if he can tie his own shoes!

Oh my god. Tropical Storm Ernesto? I better go buy out Publix of water, non perishables, and smutty novels.

I hate it when a log is half way out and your rectum says "psyche", diarrhea, beeotch!

Dear Florida news outfits, what's actually newsworthy is you thinking the discovery of a meth lab anywhere in Florida, to be newsworthy.

I just watched Vin Diesel beat up The Rock and now I don't believe in Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny. My life is a lie...

What's the water : listerine ratio for the "Anti-Cavity in Your Cavity Cleanse?"

Gonna get my tongue and butthole pierced this weekend. It's a 2 for 1 sale. Tongue first though...

These are just a couple maracas I made with your nail clippings. #ThingsaStalkerWouldSay

You should really get that mole looked at. #ThingsaStalkerWouldSay

I think that Adele/Kelly Clarkson 69 might resemble a pile of yet to be kneaded pizza dough.

I'm not 100% sure this is why the Internet was invented. But.... http://t.co/HTun8pub

"Ain't nothin' but a drawstring bay-bay" - Dr Drapery

I hate when people find out I love heavy metal or hardcore music, then try to talk to me about Nickelback and Disturbed. #DaFuckOuttaHere

Wow. I forgot how douche-y all you college football fanatics are.

@douchebigalow22 @boxcarpril he looks like his The Voice chair probably smells like syrup and breakfast sausages.