I'm pretty sure I just heard a car drive by with someone singing "Livin On A Prayer" at the top of their lungs.

What's with the mustache, you say? Oh nothing. Your mom likes it....

I'm drinking my Jack Daniels with a splash of Tab 'cause I'm health conscious.

I said NOT ribbed....And I wanted it Gift Wrapped! pic.twitter.com/uQizfviL

There are 3 people mock medieval sword fighting in the park. One has a girlfriend. Mind=blown.

Nothing is more gangsta than a "Mitten"

If I can't piss off my own deck, then why do I have a privacy fence?

@sunjana1 I added an "icious" to my last name to make a few bucks. It worked.

@swoontwang mine wears Tip Tops because Flip Flops are so 1997.

How many undecided voters keep laughing because they think these guys are talking about Labia? #Libya #pepperoninipples

@robdelaney sadly, ignorance votes too. There should be a five question history question in order to vote at each booth.

She's an ass-kicker already. http://t.co/z5vsNK0W

@swoontwang ...the taints and the shinners.

I'm not 100% sure this is why the Internet was invented. But.... http://t.co/HTun8pub

@swoontwang and your pant leg and your car seat, and the booth at the restaurant, and the stroller....

@boxcarpril absolutely!

I went to High School with a handicap kid who would make a ringing noise,then answer his wallet.Mark my word,that dude was ahead of his time

"Ain't nothin' but a drawstring bay-bay" - Dr Drapery

I hate when people find out I love heavy metal or hardcore music, then try to talk to me about Nickelback and Disturbed. #DaFuckOuttaHere

I havent seen my wife this excited about a new career....ever! I'm happy she's following her heart and her dreams!