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There is nothing as devastating as a simple misspell in a tweet.
Every time I click on someone's avi & it opens up to be size of one piece of glitter, I panic, thinking I forgot to pay my Twitter bill.
I may look sad, but I'm masturbating on the inside.
Twinkle, twinkle little whore. Close your legs, they're not a door.
Hey, you...with the brain. It's "should have/would have/could have", not "should of/would of/could of.". Take a class or something.
Ooh. I just hit the amount of coffee where I feel like someone slipped me an anxiety attack. Time to eat.
If Hell had a flavor, it would be black licorice.
Only having 140 characters does NOT excuse you from using your/you're properly, dumb ass.
There's stoned, and then there's "high as a giraffe's ass on stilts".
That girl's so whack, her first name should be Knicknackpaddy.
Dear IKEA shopper: settle the fuck down! It's not that important. Seriously.
My cat eats the same ol' dry food every day, so I can't figure out why she keeps farting & it smells like homeless people & cancer. Awful.
I'll be homo for Christmas.
I like my coffee like I like my women. I like men.
My cat has this look/meow combo she gives me that clearly says "You've got game, son"
It's so nice out! I think I'll leave it out all day.