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Did anyone ever stop to ask if Less is Mormon?
Canada Day is the one day of the year that Canadian babies are safe from the White Walkers.
Guys, lets not get too bent out of shape over Tila Tequila supporting Nazis. She also supported Insane Clown Posse. We know which is worse.
This lasercock I had installed seemed like a great idea, but they didn't tell me laserpussies haven't been invented yet. :(
I saw #ValKilmer trending and assumed he had announced that he had diabetes.
Just when I thought Bono couldn't get any douchier, he got a facelift, got frosted hair and became the lead singer for #Nickelback.
Clint Eastwood is the surprise speaker at the #RNC. I assume he's starring the in GOP's latest film "Any Which Way But Ron Paul." #ronpaul
I was so drunk last night I thought a potato with downs syndrome won the Super Bowl. Then I realized it was Eli Manning.
I didn't read the whole article, but I think Mark Wahlberg said he could have stopped 9/11 by punching the planes back into the sky.
Is there anything worse than waking up next to a dead hooker, then finding out she's still alive? #serialkillerproblems
I'll never forget you, Napster. Except for the last 8 years, when I did.
On super windy days like this, I like to stand outside a strip club and enjoy the smells of cocaine and whorepussy that waft out.
Nickelback is STILL performing at halftime on Thanksgiving. Even when the Lions are good, they find a way to ruin the holiday every year.
How many Jamaicans can possibly be on Twitter to make #onlyrealjamaicans trend? Do they make cell phones out of pot now?
I wonder if Jay-Z says "its time to venture into the great Beyonce" every time he's about to get busy?
I have one Thanksgiving rule: anything on the table that's "gluten free," I pee on.
"Throw your thumb stumps up in the air, wave em like you just don't care!" - Post 4th of July rap concert
Stand up comic, writer, former donkey show reviewer. Probably a genius.