I'm 20 points away from a free footlong at Subway. If any of you ladies are interested in a free fancy dinner soon.

Ran out of Pepsi Max. Drinking vodka on the rocks. Headed out fishing. I'm that guy now.

I always wanted a yellow shirt with a banana on it that read: "I'm bananas about bananas."

I always fast-forward through Pippin singing for Denethor. Cause it's awkward.

Advanced apologies here for the political tweet, but I saw @jimmyeatworld play at the Mesa Arts Center once.

Anyone else doing laundry and eating a can of expired organic pears tonight?

What's up ladies... So you wanna?  http://twitpic.com/bstlpo 

So I'm that guy in pajamas on the couch mumbling, "Heh, good one Jimmy." during @jimmyfallon's monologue. #December #OldManStatus #Pajamas

Bar 2 is closed for the night. Gonna start double fisting here.

#FF @duskraps @espodigi @longwall26 @lindsbrewer @madamelesara & @thetennisphenom

Long story short, when the dust settled and the wake of the rejection subsided, my brother grabs my shoulder in the elevator. "Sucks bro."

I also have sensitive feelers. #Feelings

My Pre-Summer Mixx is underway. So expect something in your mail soon.

Back in high school pottery class, I used to try and bait my gangster friend Steve to reenact the Ghost scene with me.

It's not on Netflix. Oh well, happy Easter anyway.

I tried to send a picture of ants to twitpic, but it didn't work. So if I randomly tweet a picture of ants, that's what happened.

Got loaded last night and booked a room at Treasure Island in Vegas. Definitely need to cancel that cause I hate Vegas.

Planning a picnic and kite-flying adventure. There will also be frolicking.

I'm officially anti-dubstep.

Went to Applebee's just now. I mean, I microwaved some baby carrots and broccoli in my apartment.