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I've never seen a young nun, except in porn.
I realize I've gotten too cheap when the toilet paper at work is way better than what I bought for home.
I love standing in the back and shivering while she hogs all the fuc...umm I mean taking a shower with my girlfriend.
I'd rather pay for Sandra Fluke's birth control pill than Rush Limbaugh's boner pill.
JUST TOOK FB SERIAL KILLER QUIZ THAT SAID I WOULD BE ME! LOL #MichaelMyersTweets
I caught myself saying I was "pretty jazzed" about something, so Im on WebMD figuring out what kind of brain tumor I have.
There should be a national holiday for Rick Santorum where we all wear sweater vests and call college grads snobs. #InMyHeart
I was born an average white child with an exotic name. Through hard work and tenacity I have grown to be an average white man with an exotic name.