@robdelaney r those really ur kids

@robdelaney ok

@robdelaney stop making Kony jokes,, African hate it (like "i freakin hate it" but with the word African) #puns #jokes #marrymerob #luvu

@robdelaney please stop joking about pot my uncle dyed from pot :( u r a heartless bastard bye

@adamflowers HOLY HELL

@android_78 Aww thank you, Andy! :D

People on Facebook that don't have a profile picture: GET UR SHIT TOGETHER

If you tell me your name is Anton, my response will be, "Holy shit." #intensenames

@robdelaney thank you for censoring the word "mess." You're a #hero and I'm sure a #great #dad

IF UR HAIR IS DYED BLUE I AUTOMATICALLY WANT TO GET TO KNOW U BETTER

@robdelaney @alyssa_milano u can trust him alyssa he is a #good #man he hates pot so he is #honorable

@robdelaney i was once chased by a wolf and beat it with one of my crocs #shoes

@robdelaney this tweet made me grimace and stare and my screen for a solid 8 seconds

If my Facebook history is being tracked, I'm f*cked.

@robdelaney this creeped me out

Hell will consist of reading other people's retweeted compliments for eternity

"I've actually been following you for months, but this is a lot easier." -Things to say on a first date

I feel so popular. BOTH of my cats initiated contact with me today.

@robdelaney i wood not be opposed to spending a weekend wit u not gonna lie rob take care

@robdelaney my aunt hates christians and wont let me eat cheezits cuz they sound like jesus help