Katy Perry kissed a girl and she got a Grammy. I blew a hobo and here I sit on Twitter.

Twitter: Where Im finally not the craziest bitch on the block.

Honey, the only way I'd ever wanna have your children is swimming all over my face.

My neighbour just asked me how my roomate was? I really need to stop talking to dogs and myself so much. I live alone.

Think I changed my mind about this whole Twittercrush thing. If your'e looking for a good stalker, hit me up I won't disappoint.

Im not sure what kinda sleeping pill this is but lastnight I woke up bareass naked in the kitchen three times. My doctor's so fucking shady!

In my building you never know if it's a false alarm or the SWAT Team. When the fire alarm goes you hear alot of toilets flush.

Been on Twitter for 5 days and I feel better about my life. Thanks Guys. It's like a big dysfunctional support group.

Just heard best line ever by old lady."I don't care if she jumps out of a cake with chocolate frosting covering her tits" I love old people.

I'm not an alcoholic I drink twice a year, my birthday and not my birthday.

It's so nice today, I think I'll stay in and fuck around on Twitter all day.

I'm playing Hide and Stalk today. Your'e it.

Whenever I'm in the car with my mom and we see construction workers, I honk yell dirty, filthy things and duck.

Just cause I love sex, that doesn't make me a whore. #ThatsTheTruth

When I was in HS the principal called my mom and said "I have Christine in my office" My mom said "Keep her" And hung up.

I'm starting Hambuger Helper and Handjob Thursday. That lil white hand on package inspired me.

I want a cape. It would make sex way more fun if that's even possible.

For everyone bitching about having to go see their mom's remember, there are people who are visiting their mothers gravesights today.

Some of you guys mood swings scare the shit outta me. And I'm bipolar.

I've never popped a bottle. Unless you count the lid of my pill bottles.