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When we first got our dog, he was full of anxiety whenever we'd go for a car ride. Now he's got his head out the window howling at bitches.
I'm not trying to be like everyone else, I'm trying to be like me in a world that wants us to be like everyone else.
If someone says "I love you." and you don't feel the same way, just respond by saying "I love YouTube!" really fast.
Racism is racism no matter what colour skin the bigot lives in.
Just started watching "Dexter". Now I'm looking at everyone as though they could be moonlighting as Serial Killers. Might be a bad thing.
When I hear a child crying or screaming uncontrollably in public, millions of my sperm voluntarily commit suicide.
My friend Kevin whose doing life in a foreign prison, just spoke to his mom on the phone as she passed away from Cancer....LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!
Forming opinions of others based on what a few people say about them, is similar to handing over your PIN number to a car salesman.
There are no promises in this world. Only hopes, dreams, and nightmares.
5,000 tweets. Where's my fucking gold star?
I got called a "nigga" 1000x last night.
Count your blessings, and spend the rest of your life trying to multiply them.
Some 70'ish year old lady at our resort just gave me bedroom eyes. Old folks home bedroom eyes.
I'm gonna have whatever kinda day 12 bucks and a bad attitude allows me to have.
There is nothing, absolutely nothing you can do in this life that will please everyone. Please yourself absolutely.
Friends call me 'Broms': Actor/Director, Beer Guzzler, Animal Rights Advocate. Ex-Stripper DJ. Future Mayor of Toronto #HUNGOVERLORD