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The urge to print a 3D printer with another 3D printer would so overwhelming.
I had an Uber driver the other night whose name was entirely made up of vowels. You had to orgasm to pronounce it.
The twist would see Maury be the father.
My Mother wants me to come and pick her up from the airport right in the middle of my nap time. I know you gave birth to me, but steady on.
Watched a documentary on bears for 20 minutes, until I realised it was an interview with Robin Williams.
Jenny McCarthy's son called the cops over her txting while driving habit. She cures his autism and this is how he repays her? Unbelievable.
I never understood the allure of men who boast that they do weightlifting. Sure you can lift, bro, but can you tell a good Aristocrats joke?
My friend said she's had Billy Joel in her head for days and I said that's a silly place to put him and then I turned into a Dad.
Every time your screenplay gets rejected just remember that Showgirls was a thing. Someone wrote that. That was a real movie.It had a sequel
Oh, thank god. I can finally sleep easy now that Bono has apologized for the free album his band gave to the world for enjoyment.
Just got a Tamagotchi from my ex from the fifth grade. Boy, that was some custody battle.
Australian. Screenwriter. The product of George Clooney, and a single malt.
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