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The twist would see Maury be the father.
Watched a documentary on bears for 20 minutes, until I realised it was an interview with Robin Williams.
You know Shakespeare was all prose before hoes.
What does it mean when a guy pats you on the head? Asking for a friend...a really single one with like no emotional wounds or anything...
When I see free range stickers on chicken at the supermarket, I like to picture them roaming mountainous ranges like wild palominos.
I just want to thank Anthony Weiner's dick for helping me get my first laugh on a US Late Night talk show. This is the dream people.
The NSA's porn collection must be huge. But...they would be an amazing listener. Putting them down for potential boyfriends on that alone.
If you're expecting a Star Wars pun from me today, then you're looking in Alderaan places.
Screenwriter, quarter life crisisee, the Beyoncé of naps, pillow fort architect, in a fight club, machine washable, played a sloth in a high school play once.