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Wanna really creep yourself out? Lie in bed, stare up at the ceiling, and in total darkness, softly sing "Happy Birthday" to yourself.
15 minutes into playing the Tron: Legacy soundtrack, my 74 year old Aunt exclaimed: (in spanish) Thanks be to God for this wonderful music!
I give the best shrugs.
I'm so cool, my dick texts girls pictures of me.
"Compose" a tweet. Ha. Yeah. Like this is all some beautiful music and not just a cacophony of cries for help.
Typos make my duck hard.
Seems like the flip side to all this f'd up earlier sexualization of children today is more young women in their 20's feeling "old and sad."
"Shup." --Sean Connery, creepin' on ya, via text.
Turn that frown upside down. Now flatten it out into a straight line of desensitized resignation.
The new "face for radio" is "body for the internet."
Her hair is stringy black.
Her lips a chapped surprise.
Her hands are always cold.
She's got Miles Davis eyes.
I'm a registered sex pretender.
My landlord: So when can you pay the rent? Me (as Bane): When Echo Park is ashes, then you have my permission to die. My landlord: What?
Saddest thing about Russian nesting dolls... when you take them out and make the family, they all end up empty inside.
Please check me out on tritter, fazebook, crumblr, and infrablam.
I'd like to thank Bill Clinton for reminding all of America that pervs can be passionate heroes. #kindredspirits
TV comedy writer/producer since 2000. Credits include Comedy Central, MTV, MTV2, MTV Tr3s, VH1, E!, Spike, BET, FX, and HBO. Director of @midnightshowLA.