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The most unrealistic part of Jurassic Park is having a billionaire that means well.
Um, yes, I would like a bottle of your finest Cabernet and twenty dollars on pump three.
I like James Bond because he's a spy most famous for telling everyone his name.
Movie History Trivia: Did you know that 'Men In Black 3' came out this year?
Just texted a friend about my tweets. I would kill myself but that still seems too productive.
Wheel Of Fortune is fun to watch if you forget that it's people guessing letters to earn a house payment.
Don't listen to what those other jerks say about you, I appreciate the plot holes you point out in all movies.
If people are upset about this Fred Willard business, people are going to be really upset with me when I go see The Dark Knight Rises.
It's weird that, when there's a small crowd, comics treat them like they represent the people who didn't show up.
Hitting a baseball is the hardest thing to do in sports, second only to being white.
"I'm a recovering crack head..." - guy at open mic, not telling a joke.
I wish the guys in the Sonic Drive-In commercials slowly got fatter and fatter.
The Pope was hit by a meteor made of horse meat? Did I just write the next "Scary Movie"?
I always get confused between where, wheir, and whey're.
Common misunderstanding: people walking their dog and thinking our dogs want to "meet".
Just found out that the name of the band that does the "We Are Young" song is Fun. I never thought I could hate this much.