@susanorlean Also, "speed hump" sounds like something you'd do during a more risque version of speed dating.

@carynrose @amysrosenberg Will Christie announce an evacuation order by saying, "You better quit this scene, too"?

@susanorlean Indeed. Better yet, you can watch the Cat Video Festival entries online: http://t.co/dtYKDYsi

@susanorlean It means that the comment was originally tweeted by Mary Tyler Moore.

@horse_ebooks My infamous Lead Rhombus Profit Exploder will blow you away.

@horse_ebooks Only faith & good works can save you. If you think salvation can come from a light bulb, seek mental help immediately.

@horse_ebooks Yeah, Windows 8 is a big improvement, but I wouldn't go that far.

@horse_ebooks What we're talking about here is getting online sex therapy from a horse.

@mrblackfrancis I got a MySpace friend request a few weeks ago. I imagined it coming from someone using CompuServe email & a 28.8 modem.

@horse_ebooks Senator Horse, you shat on the floor of the Senate chambers, which is a violation of decorum & also stinks to high heaven.

@wildaboutmusic Bruce Springsteen & E Street Band, Schaefer Music Fest in Central Park, maybe 1974? Headlining act: Anne Murray.

@horse_ebooks I wish you'd told me that before you did $25,000 worth of oral surgery on me. (P.S. Why is there a HORSESHOE in my mouth?!)

Multiple press reports confirm that Boston suspect is some kind of undetermined humanoid form, wearing some unknown type & color of clothing

@cat_ebooks The clay in kitty litter connects us to the earth in a visceral and deeply spiritual manner that speaks to our core being. #Om

@hiddenhoboken They're fans of the new reality TV show, "The Real Sinkholes of Northern Hoboken."

@reformedbroker Will my stomach consume itself faster or slower now that I've lost my appetite?

@susanorlean Unless tweets are from a horse in which case they dont even have to

@cat_ebooks Gaggle of Maine coon cats gettin busy curating a floating whale carcass. Heated carnival of Tabasco feelings.

@beccapiano All my ANZ tweeps are speaking in ancient Mayan tongues & babbling about chocolate & such.

@niccagematch I prefer "The Glory of Love," from Karate Kid Part II. No one can sing about love & martial arts like Peter Cetera. No one.