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I bet minimalists hate using four syllable words. Like minimalist.
I saw another gargoyle on a roof today. What a depressed species.
Romans killed for fun, but cuddled when they were pissed.
Some genies crawl into a bottle and never leave. Mainly the ones battling alcoholism.
What happens when the guy I live vicariously through dies?
A guy's life must be over when he flunks out of dueling school.
I wonder if radio hosts get hair and makeup before shows.
I predicted my snow globe's weather for the next fifty years, and I only read one Farmer's Almanac.
I wonder when fat people die and see that small light at the end of the tunnel, if they ever think,"how am i supposed to fit through that?"
People complain about the living situation on a crashing airplane, but my view of the lake has only gotten better.
On busy streets, some potholes are secretly swimming holes.
In a major city, the town drunk isn't embarrassing. Just impressive.
I wonder if the secret police know that they exist.
Carousel themed strip club: The Ass Menagerie
If an air marshal was on a private plane, I bet he’d keep a close eye on himself.
An angry mob headed towards a barbecue. They were carrying tiki torches.
I just survived a model train crash. I’ll never set foot on one again.
I want to live fast and slow at the same time. Like a chubby rock star.
I bet the Brooklyn Bridge did something really cool to get suspended.
The other day I thought my favorite stuffed animal died. Now it just sits in my apartment, double stuffed and used as an end table.