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  • bumlaser
      nick @bumlaser

    Gift @bumlaser Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 266
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  • bumlaser
      nick @bumlaser

    My 8yo daughter came home from school with a recorder, in case anybody was wondering what a weaponized owl might sound like.

    • 217
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  • bumlaser
      nick @bumlaser

    When people say "the oldest trick in the book", what book is that? Are tricks listed chronologically? Ooh, I hope it's called a Tricktionary

    • 144
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    AcidJellyAndLive2LoveMerikDtheevilwriterenricopalazzo4keklein23lovenlionsOhighIsis
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  • bumlaser
      nick @bumlaser

    Switched my phone to “Airplane Mode” and threw it off the roof.

    “Airplane Mode” is a lie.

    • 88
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  • bumlaser
      nick @bumlaser

    Sign in the aircraft loo indicates that I should strut back to my seat like a fancyman. pic.twitter.com/zy0LFedy0R

    • 151
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  • bumlaser
      nick @bumlaser

    Reading to the 4y/o from a book about quantum theory.

    "Daddy, the cat in the box is dead."

    "How do you know?"

    "It died of boring."

    • 101
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    AddisonOrdotterJoeysCafeSLwortwerkenLibbyKerenskyPeteGunardNamelessDream3rMBiddiscombePeterOuld
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  • bumlaser
      nick @bumlaser

    Attempted to have a bath. I am 6'2". The bathtub most certainly is not. I looked like a praying mantis trying to take a nap in an iPod dock.

    • 114
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  • bumlaser
     
    nick @bumlaser

    @colinmeloy "He had always admired his brother's pump-action, with the tactical grip and the smaller butt..." #bundyeroticfanfic

    • 136
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  • bumlaser
      nick @bumlaser

    "Is my nose a bone?"
    "Not exactly, there are little bones and cartilage, like what sharks are made of."
    "Sharks are made of noses?"
    "Yes."

    • 86
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    AndLive2LoveJohnLyonTweetsDr0p0fGoldenSun__MichabeanShock_Monster__iGreenMonkstartintohappenMohamdWalaa
    • 74
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  • bumlaser
      nick @bumlaser

    It took me quite a while to realise that <3 doesn’t mean testicles with a wizard hat.

    • 66
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    AndLive2LoveJane___JonesmarynicolegNitinKapoor2020wifewithabsPharaoh_DezbathdivewhispererFreekOnnaLeash
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  • bumlaser
      nick @bumlaser

    Mentioned to the 6 year-old that working from home can sometimes get a bit lonely. My desk is now covered in stuffed animals.

    • 93
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    augtopiaAndLive2LoveamishschoolBerezowskiJDKJane___JonesSpirit4Life3jennybean56DreamyIdealist3
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  • bumlaser
      nick @bumlaser

    Told daughter that the spider plant in her bedroom could probably use a drink. She gave it some water. In a glass. Placed next to the plant.

    • 61
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  • bumlaser
      nick @bumlaser

    “Daddy, why did you write your name on Mummy’s “Things To Do” notepaper?” … “Oh, well, I, uh … hey, would you like a Twizzler?”

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  • bumlaser
      nick @bumlaser

    Plucky toothbrush-holder insists: "I'm fine! It looks way worse than it is!". http://t.co/MdxIBzMV

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  • bumlaser
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  • bumlaser
      nick @bumlaser

    Old man in the pharmacy aisle farted like a walrus playing an accordion made of sausages. Nodded my approval. He saluted at me. What a hero!

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  • bumlaser
      nick @bumlaser

    Terrified of flying? Don't worry, AIRPORT GRIM REAPER is here to calm your nerves! Thanks AIRPORT GRIM REAPER! pic.twitter.com/anKLp3st0R

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  • bumlaser
      nick @bumlaser

    They call me The Hunter … pic.twitter.com/i8CVzqKtwl

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  • bumlaser
      nick @bumlaser

    Skrillex sounds like a cow giving birth inside a dial-up modem.

    • 36
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@bumlaser

@bumlaser

Guitarist, web dev, nonsensetronaut. British expat. Wrangler of ladybabies. Dog chum. Wordnerd. Secular. Chaotic Good. #BloggessTribe

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