Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
Mom: "Let me see your Twitter." Me: *Throws computer out the window* "What Twitter?"
Never ignore a person who loves you and cares for you because one day you may realize you lost the moon while counting the stars
Internet Explorer is trending. This is a proud moment for the browser which is only used for downloading other browsers.
The problem is life will continue to teach you lessons even though you don't want to learn anymore.
WTF!! Why does he retweets so much, I'm gonna unfollow this shit - A twitter beginner.
ME: I have
Facebook, Twitter, Google +, MSN Messenger & Skype MY SOUL: Dude, do you have a life? ME: omg no! Send me the link!
Me: What's up dad? Dad: Gas prices. Me: haha, I meant what are you doing? Dad: Your mom.
a train window is like a TV with only 1 channel
Since I created my twitter profile I came across 2 types of people 1st: people who are the real shit. 2nd: people who are just shit.
You know you are fucked when you are playing poker against kristen stewart.
That awkward moment when you are jerking off & suddenly from nowhere your cat tries to kill your moving dick.
Strangers in public places who help you without any expectations are nothing but superheroes.
I am shore you sea what I did there. Water you saying? Shell I stop? Don't be such a beach. I won't sand tweet anymore
. Whale, bye.
I would like to donate my eyes after dying but I don't want to be a blind ghost scaring street lights & other ghosts making fun of me.
They should change eleven to onety one.
I wish I were a unicorn, so that I could run behind assholes and stab them.
A single sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. Many women find that hard to swallow.
If I ever become an interviewer I'm gonna screem "THIS IS MADNESS!!" & the candidates who screem back "THIS IS SPARTA!!" will be selected.
Sext: Clean the house today if you want anal.