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I don't understand why intelligent young man like Thomas Pinchon wants to name all his characters Hamburger Hotdog
WIRED: ayahuasca-infused IPA
EXPIRED: human dignity for the poor
Moishe! The boy is right! Nowhere in the Torah is it written that a dog shall not play basketball!
The Blowfish attempted to overthrow Hootie in 1998, but the rebellion was quashed - with much loss of life
I want a beer that drinks like a soda. Beer isn't about getting drunk. 5% ABV is just too much. I'm a huge pussy and I love session beers
Police are on the lookout for a thane with the strength of 30 in his hand-grip
I'm just a normie teen - Up at 2pm, bowl of Obama Pellets & spice rips for breakfast. Play Destiny for 8 hrs, more Obama Pellets for dinner.
The 3D printable Princess Toadstool pocket pussy I uploaded to Thingiverse is actually a honeypot that mangles your nerd dick
Gucci mane reinvested his rap profits into Guccidyne inc, which is now North America's largest manufacturer of precision ball bearings
My favorite genre of music is "20 minute chillout mix" where the album art is a hot babe ass
I predict that by the year 2018 all white collar jobs will be done by men floating in tanks of gasified spice melange
Life has gotten so much better now that I only wear shirts with my (rather astounding!) GRE score printed on the front
Swimming around in a pit of empty Natural Ice cans like Scrooge McDuck
Ah! My word! *dusts off pile of artifacts* A second Venus of Willendorf! Wait, no... it's just a Lena Dunham happy meal toy
due to a wikileak my haters know that 90% of my workouts are just chest/bis. My posts about the imporance of leg day were pure baldersdash
I have the "golden triad" ('spergers, turetts, OCD) and I am yeling BAZINGA 100x/minute in this Gamestop utility closet till my fugue passes
*uses the Sliders remote to travel from Weird Twitter to Black Twitter*
I am an adult man. I drive a car. I have a 401K. I pretend the K-cups are Caster Shells from Outlaw Star when I put them in the machine
SIRI, please list all adoptable dogs sorted by... killing power *sly grin*
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