Have we tried Clap On?

Vacation was useless. No one cleaned the house while we were gone, and apparently, the bills still have to be paid.

Does anyone know where I submit the worlds worst nights sleep to Guinness?

I sure wish someone would come carry me upstairs. Or, at least toss me up there. #tired

Did you know jcp's making a $25 donation to @salvationarmy for each Foursquare check-in at a jcp on #Black Friday #jcpangel

Don't forget to change your clocks tonight or you'll be an hour and 15 minutes late to church.

I don't think I want to live in a world where people don't participate in the Phil Collins "In the Air" drumroll.

Remember, Flogging Molly is a band, not an activity. Keep that straight tonight, kids.

Kind of feeling an urge to smack the smugness out of a certain group of people. Or, go get some iced tea. We'll see what happens.

We don't need an Elf on the Shelf. The Other Adult in the House moves stuff around all year long where no one can find it.

I dream of a day where everyone understands what "reply all" does.

Only .7 Kardashians until Christmas, are you ready?

Why do people have to be told not to broadcast police whereabouts in something like this?

"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put them in a fruit salad."

May the fourth be with you. (And altho with you. Oops, I mean, "And with your sthpirit.") #catholichumor

Contrary to popular belief, smug, sanctimonious trolling doesn't make you look wise & more highly evolved. It makes you look like a jerk.

Facebook needs a "huh?" button more than a "dislike" button.

Commentators are getting creepy about McCarron's girlfriend...

Sunday evening needs a pause button.

There's a special place in heck for people who say "preggo" & "preggers". Sorry, if it's you. I'm sure you're a great dancer or something.