Yes boys, women are crazy, enigmatic, magical creatures...but unless you enjoy bj's from dudes, it's probably a good idea to work with em...

Dear all you bitches ignoring your husbands and kids just so you can be sleazy on twitter...




Thanks

I'm gonna surprise the gf, and wake her with oral sex...hope she doesn't choke...

Listen up boys: I never understood this spitter/swallower stuff...

Jesus fucking Christ, you just had your cock sucked, you fucking moron.

Listen to me Einsteins: yes I'm a women's advocate. And here's why...


They have half the money, and ALL the pussy...

I rest my case...

There is one thing greater than love...


-The need for it...

You've never really lived til you've laughed in the back of a cop car...

Since twitter, I don't mind house arrest as much...

Leave the candles on...


-Amish sex...

The term 'follower' denotes there is a leader...I think of us more in terms as colleagues...or accomplices...

I accidentally ran over a homophobe yesterday...twelve times...

Twitter...where you have to be smart enough to know what you're doing...and dumb enough to think it's important...

I don't think you can beat this irony...Wal-Mart has a sale going on, on white trash bags...

If I had a vagina, I'd probably be stupid enough to be waiting on true love, or some such shit...

There is only one thing even remotely comparable to the love of a woman...

The lust of a woman...

My objective is to die young...as late in life as possible...

Some chick just tweeted she only needed 10 to get to 10,000 followers...you now need 11, baby...

I remember, as a kid, mom telling me my imaginary friend wasn't real...then took me to church to worship hers...

If I worried about follower count, I wouldn't be on this motherfucker...some of the best here have 200...some of the worst 2,000...

Divorce is nature's way of giving you another shot at happiness...and avoiding murder charges...