@pokey_pineapple Lucky for me that I will never be called racist, since I'm a total dick to everyone regardless of their ethnicity

If you block Anthony Weiner on twitter is that a new form of cock block?

@deathstrykerph btw, did anyone tell you that you look like @theshyintern

@pokey_pineapple my subscription to playboy ran out, and I don't have anything else to read in the shitter ;). J/k

So many people must have painful urinations. That must be why they keep opening their Percocet bottles over the toilet

@pokey_pineapple Nope, Only if he has slender fingers...

Good thing I wore brown shoes today. It will be less noticeable when I put them up some ever-loving asses...

@pharmtech96 @pokey_pineapple @cowboypharmd hey, dicks to be you...

@cowboypharmd @pokey_pineapple it's true, just the other day I texted someone and told them to dick my suck

@pokey_pineapple I had a methadone rx once and the md put her own name at the top... You know you have a problem when...

At the nursing home and a sweet demented woman started rummaging through my briefcase. It's nice to have a personal assistant...

Just called a woman to let know her doc called in an rx. She says, "great, my husbands on his way up there. He just put his teeth in" ?!?!?

Thought I just heard an old guy at the home yell "booyah". Turns out he was just coughing up oatmeal...

@pokey_pineapple I exploit you still you love me I tell you one and one makes three I’m the fucked up personality (yeah that makes sense)

Pulled a 2 1/2 foot snake out of the garden yesterday ( and that's not some clever euphonism)

What's the difference between a terrorist and a guy 2 days early on oxycontin? You can reason with a terrorist...

I feel for stoners. They can't watch phineas and ferb without thinking of doritos. What is with the shape of phineas' head?

Superman wears his underwear to work and they call him a hero. I wear mine overtop of my pants and they call me nuts #doublestandard

So can I take this expired med? Sure, and drink it down with some spoiled milk

Window-shoplifting: when you don't actually have the time to steal, but just look at what you'll steal later...