You don’t spray perfume in a gym. The only smells allowed are sweat, fear and low self-esteem.

If only I could retouch the stupid out of you.

Anonymous Lebanon: "Lebanese governmental websites hacked! LOLZOMG!"
Government: "Joke's on you, we didn't even know we had websites!"

A labneh sandwich with whole olives is an adventure.

@tapbot_paul Oh my god Paul you can't just ask people why they're white

Come on over to Lebanon! We’ve got racism, sexism, homophobia, and our latest addition, calling the physically disabled “half people.”

Bloggers on Twitter are like parents that keep shoving photos of their kids in your face.

In other news today  http://i.minus.com/iXMBHs1ixrX3n.gif …

I ran out of Internet bandwidth this morning, and so far I have cleaned the house, reorganized my closet and found a cure for cancer.

The Hobbit - The biggest thing to happen to Lord of The Rings since Lord of The Rings.

There's pollen all over me. This is the hottest group action I've gotten in a while.

I'm so out of shape, my physique's become abstract.

Mint chocolate means that I don’t have to brush my teeth afterwards, right?

That's it, Apple, I'm getting an Android! @salvadorrudy pic.twitter.com/L9zLkqYJ

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but where'd you get your sweater from?

@sandypeterz Satan couldn't put up with God's needy self-centred attitude. Plus he never put the toilet seat back down which pissed off God.

Moisturize yourselves. pic.twitter.com/OIQ8QDZS

Lebanese wedding video editors need to chill with the soundtracks. It’s a wedding not a Lord of the Rings battle scene.

You're right, everyone else is wrong, and you spend your living days condeming others for not sharing your belief - Atheists and theists.

I’ve learned everything I need to know about social interactions from playing The Sims.