Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Ariel and Jessica Rabbit are setting an unrealistic standard for gingers.
You know you masturbate way too much when you go through your entire sock drawer in less than a week and you're a flip-flops kinda guy.
I own too much plaid. The only things preventing me from being mistaken as a butch lesbian is a 30" waist & good taste in open-toe footwear.
Rihanna is not a one-hit wonder. Chris Brown proved this.
Whenever someone remarks to me that it's way too early to be drinking, I tell them it's the same for being a nosy cunt.
Ugh don't you just hate when you're jerking it and right before you climax, the freeway traffic starts speeding up?
I seriously did not think getting a hard-on would be a side-effect of holding all this poo in.
Does anybody know where I can buy a Renée Zellweger mask? I think it would be fun to wear one everytime I got on the toilet to take a shit.
There's that awkward & unspoken moment in every young man's journey through life where he hesitantly tastes himself for the very first time.
Attention squirrels and rabbits, chill the fuck out.
Sarah Jessica Parker makes a stable living.
How is it that we have not domesticated squirrels yet? Those things would sell like hotcakes at the local Petco.
If dolphins are gay sharks, then that makes Rosie O'Donnell a porpoise and Andy Dick an orca's discarded after birth.
Ever notice how at buffets, fat people somehow manage to make their salads look like anything but?
First saw Batman Forever in '95. Never thought 16 years later Val Kilmer would age into what I can now only describe as a taller Kathy Bates
We don't need to look at Janeane Garofalo's forearms to know that she's good at fisting.
The second buttplugs & dildos become dishwasher safe marks a new era where everyone carries their own silverware & china to dinner parties.
"That's not mine." - someone caught with a Walmart bag in their apartment.
Whenever I get sad from losing another follower, I keep reminding myself that I used to have 0. And before that, I just ate a lot of cookies
Sure, I may be at home reading tweets because I'm broke and can't go out, but I'd be doing the same thing out at the bars anyway. So cheers!