Figured out last night that Crossfit is the opposite of Fight Club

1st rule: Talk about it constantly.
2nd rule: Talk about it constantly.

Anne should move her chest back and forth and make laser gun noises. #pewpewpew #oscars

If you guys thought Tebowing was bad just wait until people start Rokering.

I will no longer consider #Applebees an option when deciding between chain restaurants to eat at, which happens never.

Desiree's brother is gonna be pissed if they don't let him be a contestant on Her season. #BachelorFinale #thebachelorette

Don't be mad at @passionpit and @mattandkim, guys. You'd be sick to your stomach too if you spent last night in Rochester.

All I'm hearing is the first time two brothers are coaching against each other in the Super Bowl. Did they forget Colts v Bears in 2007?

Celebrating Cinco de Mayo by landscaping my yard. That's what they do, right?

Sean only looked at the letter like that cause he saw multiple syllable words and those are tough! #Bachelor #BachelorFinale

If you or anyone you know has a neon pink fat buddha statue please let me know, it was stolen from outside my Westlake apartment in 2008.

This + Superman ice cream = awesome. @tremontscoops @ Tremont Scoops  http://instagram.com/p/YqhuU6gYEl/ 

Spring??? More like WINTER, am I right?!? Haha oh man.

I hope Kanye interrupts the new pope's speech. #whitesmoke #pope

Worst X-Men tribute ever. #oscars

Breaking News: Kristin Chenoweth was just eaten in three bites by Adele on the red carpet. #Oscars

Fun.? More like Won., am I right? #GrammyAwards

Why couldn't the power have gone out during Beyonce's choreographed seizing? #SUPBERBOWL2013

You're not special, Al Roker. I used to sh*t my pants all the time.

@mkoskey annual holiday office bukaki?

@h_ram @ramonrivasii Just wait you two, in a few years when it's cool to have slow service you're gonna feel dumb and the hipsters win again