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So glad the news keeps showing that microscopic picture of the Ebola virus so I know what to watch out for.
How come Prince Fielder is "brave" but I'm "not allowed back at open swim?"
BREAKING: Brett Favre takes 7-minute BM in Austin Straubel restroom; bought Cinnabon after. Mumbled something about a phone charger.
Lucy Liu sounds like a British euphemism for diarrhea. "Oh, bloody 'ell, I've got to take a loosey loo!"
Man, you walk away from Twitter for 45 minutes and another plane goes missing...
Lotta hopes and dreams are gonna die in about nine months... #RacineTVProm
If Ernie Banks and Walter Payton aren't in sports heaven getting fucked up with Harry Caray right now, I'm never visiting Chicago again.
And, Asshole of the Year goes to: Ken Thiessen, Wichita East High Principal! Congrats, Ken, you insufferable shitbag. http://ksn.com/2015/03/26/special-needs-student-at-east-high-told-to-remove-his-letter-jacket/ …
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I shouldn't still have to do this.
If Sheriff Clarke doesn't celebrate by firing twin pistols in the air like Yosemite Sam, then I don't know what this was all for.
Fact: Every time you pronounce Bon Iver, "BAHN EYE-ver," a hipster cries.
That Packers fan-only dating site is great if you're looking to get fingered by a guy in Zubas named Kurt.
Just did the Boiling Water Challenge for skin graft research.
Milwaukee dweller; cigar smoker; Scotch and vodka drinker; quintessential Polack
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