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So glad the news keeps showing that microscopic picture of the Ebola virus so I know what to watch out for.
How come Prince Fielder is "brave" but I'm "not allowed back at open swim?"
BREAKING: Brett Favre takes 7-minute BM in Austin Straubel restroom; bought Cinnabon after. Mumbled something about a phone charger.
Lucy Liu sounds like a British euphemism for diarrhea. "Oh, bloody 'ell, I've got to take a loosey loo!"
Man, you walk away from Twitter for 45 minutes and another plane goes missing...
Lotta hopes and dreams are gonna die in about nine months... #RacineTVProm
If Ernie Banks and Walter Payton aren't in sports heaven getting fucked up with Harry Caray right now, I'm never visiting Chicago again.
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I shouldn't still have to do this.
If Sheriff Clarke doesn't celebrate by firing twin pistols in the air like Yosemite Sam, then I don't know what this was all for.
Fact: Every time you pronounce Bon Iver, "BAHN EYE-ver," a hipster cries.
That Packers fan-only dating site is great if you're looking to get fingered by a guy in Zubas named Kurt.
Just did the Boiling Water Challenge for skin graft research.
"Pull that 30-second we have running in the third quarter. Yeah, the one with the towers falling." -Nationwide's CMO on the phone with NBC
Milwaukee dweller; cigar smoker; Scotch and vodka drinker; quintessential Polack
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