Lotta hopes and dreams are gonna die in about nine months... #RacineTVProm

Fact: Every time you pronounce Bon Iver, "BAHN EYE-ver," a hipster cries.

I wonder if these Olympians update their goofy Daily Mile thingys after events. "Swam 200 m in 1:53 and felt blah. But London is cool."

Hey dickheads: it's a pickup truck not a magical sleigh. Slow the fuck down.

If we'd just get a real eagle we wouldn't have these problems. #mubb

Ok, star this if you want a special Super Bowl edition of #FunFootballFacts. Enough stars and I'm all yours, weirdoes.

Your kid didn't graduate from K anything. He managed not to piss himself in public for nine months. Temper the enthusiasm.

"Charlotte's Web of Lies Your Dad Told and Now We're in an Apartment That's Why" #divorcebooks4kids

Dear #mubb: I want you inside of me. Love, The Paint

“@js_newswatch: Sikhs to hold vigil for Connecticut victims  http://bit.ly/UOd5WM ” Classy. Heartfelt and human. #love

I made a spaceship, assholes. #LegoClub http://t.co/Fzn4KARQ

Nothing says, "I hate you and your wrist," like one of those charm bracelets from Kay.

Not even December and @mrs_stoli is sending me links to jewelry so I blocked her and reported her as spam

.@mrs_stoli and I discussing our bad days at work is a lot like this:  http://twitpic.com/bd918g  (h/t @teecycletim)

Ok, this S.Mouse story line is f_cking brilliant. @chrislilley is a delightfully warped genius. #AngryBoys

Gonna start a band called "Drunk on Sunday" except we're not a band and it's just me drinking all day on Sunday.

Nope. C'mon, guys. RT @cnn We have the first picture of the suspect on the boat: pic.twitter.com/cBURs5IOgF

#FunFootballFact The confusing "tuck rule" was initiated in the locker room by Tom Brady who just wanted to see what it would look like once

It's cute how we already reached UW's final score. #mubb

Wake me for the Lane Bryant fashion show.