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  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    'Unexpected item in bagging area'. Really? It's only milk its not like it's Mick Hucknall in a jock strap. That'd be unexpected.

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    Spinchangegrad_boostergooliegirliemjapetertomdotcom_ukBonsuBonusbeingnobody
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    BesusiehumbuggiftsscarletlobsterBogNeSpavaSomeCallMeLazmakeupboyassistPumpkinSpiderlonderelly
  • CSJTweet
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    Kyramay_tanashartommpaxiamEMMA20chrlttgrc
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    hannahrodgerrrxclorowanjroothCarolaLoveArjenmoonjooseSarahxParishetissteefmivdw1
  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    Royal Mail have issued an address to send all letter of complaints about the increasing price of stamps, are they taking the piss?

    • 2
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    antimitchStaffordSammo
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    rache_heavisideianfoz1antimitchNachos30brismartfavstar_popStaffordSammokill_ben
  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    John Terry make sure you're never caught mouthing racial abuse on camera again by wearing a pointy, white pillowcase with eye holes.

    • 21
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    mcbain1970eggbox19841LittleGemMcFlooooozeAkOdntniamthatguy52JosephMeegarCleo04patra
  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    France are deporting people wearing a burkha in their country. I'm off to Paris in 10 days, FREE FLIGHT HOME, YAY! *packs burkha*

    • 20
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    GaeMar01HurricaneMediaBeetrootrabbitSkeptobotSoThenSimonSaiddnotice2012Patriccusvelvetrealm
  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    J.K Rowling reveals she had to refer to Voldemort as 'You Know Who' in the Harry Potter books because of a super-injuction, typical.

    • 2
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    LaneyFewJanbellina
    • 17
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    sam__greenJohnwhelan182Ian_Rudge_BrownharrymorrisonJessBarkerWrencharley1977favstar_popDavid_M_Watts
  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    When signing up to Facebook I think there should be a 'your' & 'you're' test to filter out blithering pisswits.

    • 17
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    TheODMoorfavstar_popdramaqueenjaneAndyStew_92chunchillaLuigiGaudinomis404Emmaaarr__
  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    A couple in Libya have named their first born after David Cameron. Personally I think Sanctimonious Dough-faced Wanker is a terrible name.

    • 2
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    favstar_popbulldozia
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    jumbolugs2010jjarichardsonleftferrettheangelremielrikbutWeaver2WorldhaloefektiJohnCDunham
  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    Apparently pointing to your partner and saying "Already got one" when asked if you'd like a bag for life at the supermarket isn't funny.

    • 2
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    IanBotticelliohmyjessbess
    • 13
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    afernandez92ss_villa895MazzahooTattooHeroineSamWastesTimesammrollssassiesun10mancred__
  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    I wonder where Bruce Forsyth is hiding his horcruxes? He has a longer life span than UHT milk.

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    jenso_EarthToEilidhiRosellaL__favstar_popprincesshannyxdddrozarioSammyBoyTwitHerRoyaltyTalks
  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    If you could donate/RT this link i will hug you till you're numb. I'm doing it in memory of a friend tomorrow! http://t.co/Co8dkNw

    • 12
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    LissyNumberfavstar_popjjarichardsonMiss_Alayniusspsotdavid_houghMrBofflyravensrod
  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    Whilst Blair is quizzed at the Leveson enquiry i'll be moving all copies of his autobiography to the 'War Crimes' section of Waterstones.

    • 2
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    mrchrisjohnscottywrotem
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    simondyermrchrisjohnalphasub_plugScottpolandRun4demHillsDD1958scottywrotem
  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    Reports that expensive track suits were looted from Foot Locker this morning, who's rioting, Jimmy Saville? #LondonRiot

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    reyhantwixtcupandlipJulieAnneKerrBarbaraCurrandev_2014TwistedlilkittyNicoleGARRATTYDawnSmith1970
  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    Experience what it's like to be in the Jeremy Kyle audience by sitting at the Argos collection point & clapping as people go up.

    • 3
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    re_ClaireWes6976achwell180
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    WadelArbabsnackajackgirlLis_B1achwell180MoragWebster
  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    If I was a foot amputee, for a laugh, I'd pay for one of those fish foot spa's & scream 'OH GOD! HELP ME!' as customers walked in.

    • 8
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    gfrancieFringeGuideLuke1972georgia_wonderdoug_segalcuriousiguanajoegravettbeanie_xo
  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    No advent calender this year? Simply kick in a strangers door every day till Christmas and steal all their chocolate.

    • 1
    • FAV
    foshoozley
    • 7
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    BesusieFlyingElbowDropmagic_alicebobbiealiceDarthTucofoshoozleybeanie_xo
  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    Alanis Morisette, irony isn't being stuck in a traffic jam when you're late. Irony is skinny jeans in a size 22.

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    ThePsyentistUKunaamarieescata0317TweeterofWitpurplehaynzegeorgelubranirebekahwho
  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    There's a guy in chinos, the worlds tightest vest & one of them condom hats. He must of woke up & thought 'how can I out-twat myself today?'

    • 7
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    jusbenedictRNMeloneNeilM27rajigraingerWrighty_SoulBugStretford_Dogssolomon_whitton
  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    'Louis Walsh denies sex attack'. Claiming Edward was up for it but it was dark and OH GOD JOHN & HIM LOOK SO ALIKE.

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    TanyaKarrinaMarina_203siriusly_jessGo_withthe_Flohrainydays6miss_margey
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    miss_margey
  • CSJTweet
      CSJ @CSJTweet

    @u_laugh #crackerjokes how do frogs die? They KERMIT suicide.

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    alanallycat
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    tashajayne_pgabalarrBieberBabyyhazteckoeletsnotforgetMARK_LAWRENS0N
@CSJTweet

@CSJTweet

'Unexpected item in bagging area'. Really? It's only milk its not like it's Mick Hucknall in a jock strap. That'd be unexpected! - Just 1 of my grumpy tweets.