Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Just drove a Russian guy to the border. This is the closest my life will get to Grand Theft Auto 4.
Whenever I start tweeting, I'm happy for a second, then realize I only have like 25 followers. This plunges me into a crippling depression.
I like milk in my goddamn coffee, so the next asshole who says "want some coffee with that milk" will get their motherfucking throat punched
I'm not afraid of the dark. I'm afraid of evil 1930's children with smiles as wide as their face dragging me down into the dark, screaming.
Just successfully manufactured a double rainbow with two hoses.
One step closer to achieving Supreme Being status.
Really great show tonight, really proud of my fellow cast members A.K.A. AFTV10!
If only real life was like twitter and I had all the time in the world to think of a clever response...
Guys, my OCD is kicking in, I'm only 884 followers away from 1000 :s
Can I get a couple follows just to get it to an even 1000? Thanks!
Show me someone whose heart doesn't smile at the sight of a wild bunny and I'll show you a future serial killer.
Don't you hate it when someone makes eye contact with you while you're singing in your car and now you have to run them off the road?
If babies DID actually come from storks could you imagine how fun abortions would be?!
Duck Hunt, anyone???
Whenever you're feeling down, remember, you're not useless, just a constant disappointment.
It's not very often I get to use the Human Centipede emoticon :(
If all your tweets are about trending topics #youtweetlikeabitch
I feel like you become a man when you gain the ability to wear button-up dress shirts casually.
It's ridiculous how Barbecue chips taste nothing like a barbecue.
If your wearing sunglasses and not using your ability to look at boobs without being spotted then what's the point?