Sickening. Junkies in my community vandalize produce to take pot. #420NO pic.twitter.com/HqmpAIoQAg

Less of a raw masculinity, more of a lightly poached masculinity.

Writing a paper on conservatism, so I'm just gonna listen to every @macklemore song and give this thing a more liberal flow. Naaa mean?

Or if they smoke cigarettes. Or drink.

The most hilarious/sad thing is when someone who's all pilled up is against marijuana or natural psychedelics. Good luck with that.

to gain my approval as a human being you must
1)have good taste in music
2)eat peanut butter consistently
3)sleep naked AT LEAST sometimes

I just found out you can favorite your own tweets...I'm about to start looking a lot more popular from your end, folks.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers make me feel so gooooodd

I just don't trust a company with a "!" in its name, but maybe that's because my best friend Dan! betrayed me.

High school is over. Delicious food. No stress. Life is good for the moment

The trees are green, the sky is blue. God is good, life is good.

Library coffee tastes like church coffee but at least it has a little more gumption than commons coffee

OMG I'm such a procrasrinator.. its soooo bad

Fuck, my biceps smell great today. #blessed.

friendly reminder that adele and taylor swift are the same age yet one of them has a child and another is mentally stuck in middle school

Just saw an old man in a wheelchair yell "FUCK YOU, GOOF!" to bird that flew by. Don't really need to see anything else today

Impress potential employers by showing up to an interview in pants.

You can hang out with me in 3D if you just cross your eyes and give me an extra $4.

@zimmer_emily @jessenelson12 I would walk across fields of Legos to never hear Taylor Swift again.

It's Mother's Day. So make your mothers' day you jive ass turkeys