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  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    Every cab is the Ca$h Cab if you have a gun.

    • 37
    • FAVS
    dixie_lee_peasQuipQueen36VoiceOfReason25PYWLcapnjackswagjenn_rummyvxlkpotbuzz
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    TheBluWombatVersabilityAntagProtagzachheltzelFaux_Mathatfinguy________AngelinaAnnora____
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    If you're Asian and you know it, crap your hands!!

    • 28
    • FAVS
    dixie_lee_peasCexelia__haiku_b_doobiedaddynofucksQuipQueen36MyLongBallsSeanIkon__Kandiland09
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    daddynofucksFrostyNipzzSeanIkon__legendGpLedvedderJackFitzpatric3ShannonSuxxfakesnarkyone
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    Just found out my girlfriend is not Candy-striping at the local hospital. She's "Candi", stripping at the local hotel. I'm a bad listener.

    • 28
    • FAVS
    Jess44570Sarcasmicfiendaimeehogan81kingsbayaholecopKerriKay64steamboat28BizzyFubbles
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    PoRtO777KittylandArtRackOfSteel______dixie_lee_peasWinkAndNod________JoeMac56
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    I bet meth-heads use their tooth fairy money to buy more meth. it's a vicious cycle.

    • 18
    • FAVS
    StealHrtOddest_Goddess1kingsbaycoffeeteasSRQ2UZedRebeliammaylynnRockKraller
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    KiddieTwatOddest_GoddessCrozzy1redkedabo________ZedRebelRockKrallerRackOfSteel______kevnasto
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    Me: "hooked on fonix"

    Google: "Did you mean hooked on phonics"

    Me: Go phuk yourselfs google

    • 20
    • FAVS
    dixie_lee_peasQuipQueen36MyLongBallsVoiceOfReason25chriscroctearsKittySaysMeeowSuMacDanSarcasmicfiend
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    k8millnerelisa212007snifgit
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    Sometime I can't believe the human boner dosn't have an actual bone in it. Then I wait 2 minutes.

    • 17
    • FAVS
    GayLukeDC__LicoriceNipples______krelsshrywlmsfarleftcoastjBabyMetaldixie_lee_peasMyLongBalls
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    GayLukeDC__farleftcoastdixie_lee_peasGorrdano
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    Our family's Thanksgiving dinner prayer quickly turned into a family argument.. Until we remembered it was a prayer and all said "amen"

    • 19
    • FAVS
    dixie_lee_peasQuipQueen36MyLongBallsVoiceOfReason25chriscroctearsgreggified________SuMacDanKaysNH
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    WanderingLeo
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    My grandfather always said "I can only trust ya as far as I can throw ya." He trusted babies about 30 feet.

    • 16
    • FAVS
    dixie_lee_peasQuipQueen36PYWLJoruuscFaux_MaMyLongBallsdeadndreamingBedheadBunny
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    meggpyedancetodrums______luvdesox64
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    Chernobyl: April 26, 1986.
    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: December 28, 1987

    Some serious research went into this discovery.

    • 16
    • FAVS
    dixie_lee_peasQuipQueen36chriscroctearsKaysNHFaux_MaMyLongBallsdeadndreamingTwisty_Monster____
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    chriscroctearsdancetodrums______
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    All fires are suspicious to me. You can never trust a fire to watch your stuff for you.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    MyLongBallsyourpaljason_LUMPOhhhLuissGorrdanoBeyondRefuge______ClaireSimpson3LukeIsHereNow____
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    PrincessDarkest_LUMPGorrdano
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    Someday (when Im drunk) Im going to tweet all of the drafts I have saved, offend most, if not all of you, and pass out on my bathroom floor.

    • 13
    • FAVS
    dixie_lee_peasMyLongBallsKittySaysMeeowSarcasmicfiendFaux_Maelisa212007crston8ballstateswag
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    dixie_lee_peasdirecshun
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    "you had me at hellno" - a rapist, probably

    • 9
    • FAVS
    oolivejuiceeQueenKillerBee____tastemyfirePigDogWhoreNo_Job_JoeMs612__ZedRebelJermHimselfish
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    HeresDonnyNo_Job_JoeZedRebelRackOfSteel______
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    In It's senior year of high school South Carolina was voted most likely to secede.

    • 13
    • FAVS
    dixie_lee_peasMyLongBallscanadian_janeKittySaysMeeowSuMacDanSarcasmicfiendFaux_MaBoomBamBunny
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    I looked up a funny commercial on youtube and they made me watch an ad before they let me watch the ad. This is my life...

    • 12
    • FAVS
    dixie_lee_peasFaux_MaMyLongBallsjayonguitardeadndreamingRadOrDieKandiland09dancetodrums______
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    dancetodrums______
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    is it illegal to tell a baby "fuck you" to the face if no one else hears it?

    • 10
    • FAVS
    dixie_lee_peasMyLongBallsVoiceOfReason25Cthunicorngreggified________renobones________kpzoNotThatKevin
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    kpzoAngelinaAnnora____
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    I'm a veteran. I fought in the War on Drugs and was wounded. For my service I received a purple liver, and two black lungs.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    dixie_lee_peasFaux_MaNiigaaneMiigwanMyLongBallsAndyScreaming____jayonguitardeadndreamingdancetodrums______
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    luvdesox64
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    im the uncle that my sister threatens her son he'll end up like if he doesn't behave

    • 11
    • FAVS
    dixie_lee_peasMyLongBallsVoiceOfReason25Cthunicorngoat_throwergreggified________renobones________JulesJulietta
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    There is nothing scarier than seeing 10+ gingers are following you, with their combined total of 3 million freckles, 4 friends, and 0 souls.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    dixie_lee_peasMyLongBallsHreAmngthDed33TheShitteningNostradamnisuckTheDailySchmuckmichaeldevitojr__countgraf
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    davidsnyder73luvdesox64countgraf
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    I saw a bumper sticker that said "ART SLUT". I added an F and made it say "FART SLUT" if she really likes art she will leave it. Her move.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    dixie_lee_peasVoiceOfReason25Cthunicornsnifgitpolyhumorousgreggified________Cheeseboy22skullcatsmoved____
  • CallmeCory
      Not a phony @CallmeCory

    Trying to finish this ADHD online test for like the 6th time tonight. It's 50 questions long.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    MyLongBallsVoiceOfReason25dstrytruittchristinatheleeKritzwitgreggified________Faux_MaHappySicles______
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    christinathelee
@CallmeCory

@CallmeCory

Ex-Basketball player