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People say I’m obsessed with Over the Top (1987). But honestly I love any film about arm wrestling and child custody disputes.
Don’t take life too seriously - there’s guys getting paid to eat hot dogs really fast.
Who even likes rhetorical questions?
It will be a sad day when my grandma dies. Unless you’re a minority.
Women are never pregnant with anything cool. Like free beer.
Hate it when I’m like “I need to pee” and then I’m standing at the urinal and my body’s like “did you mean you need to shit?” And I did.
Do Asian guys know we’re not about to run out of cigarettes?
I have a thing for really attractive women (Hint: It’s my penis).
The old lady next to me smells like she bathes in older ladies.
“So I guess we’re still not speaking to each other” is a fun thing to say to strangers.
No one’s ever told me I’m a good kisser. Something about using too much penis.
“One ticket for Magic Mike, please.”
Penises are stroke victims waiting to happen. Patiently waiting.
High School would have been worse if I had to answer a question every time I raised my penis in class.
Everyone working at a BBQ place looks like they work at a BBQ place.
Nobody seeks approval like the guy walking back from the jukebox.
Think I'm finally ready for a half-Toyotathon.
Glad I'm not passive aggressive. Unlike some people I know.
Glad IQ isn't measured by the number of times each day you frantically search for the phone in your hand.
This penis tastes kinda gay.
I want to comedy all over you.
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