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My chicken fingers taste like fish sticks but I think it's cause I was touching my cooter earlier.
No more twitter for the 5y/o
She built a bong out of paper clips, dog has a tampon out his ass and she ordered porn with my credit card
Canadian girls will rock your world and let you leave your boots on.
I'm a wrap my legs around him as he tries to pull out and scream BE MY BABIES DADDY kinda girl
A real woman isn't perfect and a perfect woman isn't real...that's why I shit with the door open so you know I'm real
Next time I feel like bitching about my period I'm going to try and remember that at least I'll never catch my foreskin in a zipper
Do you even read my tweets before you star them or are you the type who doesn't even buy me drinks before you stick it up my ass?
The porn bots are out
Time for me to sleep
Not that I follow porn bots*
*they tweet pictures*
*they followed me first, shut up
Fuck you guys someone from Facebook will do my dishes
Those guys are desperate
Under no circumstances should you ever use hand sanitizer as lube
Men - just cause we call Punch Buggy and punch you it doesn't mean you get to call Hummer™
I love you Canada but still snowing!?! It's April 17th and still no need to shave my legs.
THIS IS WHY NO ONE TAKES YOU SERIOUSLY!!
I hate when I lose my pants I don't mind that they come off I just really hate when I lose them
I need to wash my brain out with soap
All of a sudden realize how sane Denise Richards is....I did not see that coming
How long till Lady Gaga turns 27?
What is this world ending Saturday shit?? I'm pretty sure no ones heard of this in Canada so good luck the rest of you. We'll be fine.
When I masturbate I do it with the lights off cause I don't like to see how fat my vibrator is
Tired of men that cum to soon? Give em a Spiderman
When you cum in my hand I throw it in your face and yell SPIDERMAN *theme song included*
Forgot to take my makeup off last night and now out of the shower I look like a 2 bit hooker....oh nope, makeup was off that's just my face