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My new vegetarian cookbook has a dessert section - good thing, too. I was really needing an alternative to all those meat-based desserts.
Boys are only out for one thing - a mutually respectful relationship.
If you got all the side-effects of Lunesta simultaneously, wouldn't you technically be a superhero?
Hey other Twitter girls, I think we have a lot in common. We could be friends if we ever left our houses. Also if we didn't hate everyone.
I quit using Facebook cause it was more like girls-I-went-to-high-school-with-whining-about-child-support-book.
I'm generally satisfied with myself as long as I'm the least fat person in the elevator.
I miss being goth because no one ever asked me to babysit.
I like speed dating okay, but I prefer ecstacy dating.
I was posting a restaurant review online, and totally almost forgot to mention an irrelevant detail about my boyfriend! Close one.
I'm glad I wasn't murdered during my goth phase. Now unsolved murder shows would just portray me as a sad loner instead of a satanist.
Where can I get perfume that smells like permanent marker?
Would it be weird to buy a wedding cake just cause I'm hungry for cake?
You know that feeling when you accidentally start to wash your face with your glasses on? That's pretty much what it feels like to be me.
Did you know?: At Cracker Barrel, the more stars a server has on their apron, the worse their life is.
Let it be known that my spell check recognizes the word Spongebob. And also Squarepants.
Hey CNN, tell the story about how Bin Laden wouldn't give the neighborhood kids their ball back again. I didn't catch it the first 12 times.
Cadbury mini eggs are 50% off! Time to stock up for the rest of the year, then finish them off before the beginning of May.
You know those people whose faces look designed specifically for you to punch? Maybe not, since they all seem to be in this room with me.
At my sister's National Honor Society initiation. Some of these girls' dresses are going to come in handy for drunk slut studies at IU.
Not so unique now, huh little snowflakes? Now you're just water in my hair! HAHAHAHAHAHA!