Sometimes I see cars that hit the ditch on a straight hwy and I just think to myself.... "Twitter"

I'm lucky to have a guy who understands that I need constant attention and validation from strangers on twitter.

I like my men to resemble my life. Long, hard, and always ready to fuck me.

I'm one girl and a cup away from being an Internet phenomenon

I hate porn that develops too much story line. I actually watched till the end and forgot to masturbate.

Every time I sing
An angel gets herpes

People who call something "old school" should at least be out of school.

Let me get this straight:
Don't accept candy from strangers, but it's okay to let a strange man break into the house and leave "toys"

I'm shocked and saddened by the fact that there are no zombie Christmas movies.

Zombies have Christmas too.

I'm the most popular person on MySpace these days

What I lack in cup size I make up for with chapped lips.

Want to know what's fucking hilarious?


My cup size

A family member asked for my twitter name. Fuck you I say. Fuck you.

#GirlsThink

That you're wrong.
All the time.
End of story.

It burns when I tweet. Which one of you pricks wasn't clean?

Once upon a time there was a beautiful, smart, & talented girl with lots of potential.

Then one day she logged into twitter.

The end.

Twitter: helping ppl burn dinner since 2006

When I get my period I tell my boyfriend our babies are bleeding to death.

My self worth is directly related to the number of favorites I get.

Am I technically a lesbian if my cat sleeps on my vagina?