You're so sexy it should be illegal. So we MADE it illegal. Haha, have fun in jail, you sexy criminal

#WomenThatMakeMeHard Medusa

I like twitter because we are all talking at the same time but we are not interrupting each other

How To Gently Break It To Your Loved Ones That They Are Basic Bitches

Every time a rapper mentions ecstasy I imagine him hanging with other rappers and just cuddling, touching each others hair and giggling

My cat loves having me rub her lips and gums but then it makes her sneeze and that concludes my TED Talk on the cutest thing known to man

"Please stop cumming on me" - Eileen

Loki just took the bifrost from Asgard AND BOY ARE HIS ARMS THOR

Lookin up spells on Wiccapedia

Don't go to the beach with other girls, ur periods will sync and then sharks will b attracted to it & grow legs to chase you on shore

If the shoe fits, use it as a dildo.

IRespectFemales walks around the rubble of a post-apocalyptic NY. It is silent and empty. Desperately he yells, "LADIES"

"Mom, Dad, I'm a gay-" oh we knew it, it's fine we still love u "No u didn't let me finish. I'm a gamer." .. get the fuck out

Thunder is just god booty-clapping

BILLY GOAT IS NOT MY LOVER, SHE'S JUST A GOAT WHO CLAIMS THAT I AM THE ONE. BUT THE KIIID IS NOT MY SON.

Iiiii'm like a biiiiird/ I want to die I'm gaaaay

Smash the patriarchy. Smash it with your dick. Just slam it in there baby. Oh yeah just like that now lick the patriarc

They say there's no wrong way to eat a Reese's, huh ... *unzips pants*

If I worked for pokemon i'd just walk around putting googly eyes on things and say "Yo. Check it. Lampray. Cabintos. Pencillion." Hmu

WEIRD TWITTER I DREW SOME OF YOU http://t.co/PcBeOxQt