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Dad just started Skyrim. He named his character "dad"
I like twitter because we are all talking at the same time but we are not interrupting each other
How To Gently Break It To Your Loved Ones That They Are Basic Bitches
*walks into bathroom eating a sandwich*
*walks out of bathroom eating a different sandwich*
Every time a rapper mentions ecstasy I imagine him hanging with other rappers and just cuddling, touching each others hair and giggling
"Please stop cumming on me" - Eileen
My cat loves having me rub her lips and gums but then it makes her sneeze and that concludes my TED Talk on the cutest thing known to man
Loki just took the bifrost from Asgard AND BOY ARE HIS ARMS THOR
Lookin up spells on Wiccapedia
Don't go to the beach with other girls, ur periods will sync and then sharks will b attracted to it & grow legs to chase you on shore
If the shoe fits, use it as a dildo.
IRespectFemales walks around the rubble of a post-apocalyptic NY. It is silent and empty. Desperately he yells, "LADIES"
"Mom, Dad, I'm a gay-" oh we knew it, it's fine we still love u "No u didn't let me finish. I'm a gamer." .. get the fuck out
Thunder is just god booty-clapping
BILLY GOAT IS NOT MY LOVER, SHE'S JUST A GOAT WHO CLAIMS THAT I AM THE ONE. BUT THE KIIID IS NOT MY SON.
Iiiii'm like a biiiiird/ I want to die I'm gaaaay
I'm not here anymore. DM me for new name.
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