First rule of Alzheimer's club:

I don't have a pet so I adopted this spider, but the stupid thing won't even chase the laser pen. It's got 8 eyes so I *know* he sees it.

Did a rapper just die? Just wondering why all these dudes are walking around with their pants at half mast.

Banging my head against a wall.

You know, remorse code.

I bet it takes a loooooong time for someone with OCD to eat alphabet soup.

On the one hand, I should really get to sleep. On the other hand.....well, let's just not talk about that hand right now.

Since I don't have health care, I'm going to the airport to get my free prostate exam.

If teens don't tweet, then who are the freaks pushing the Jonas bros. into the trending topics every day? Huh?

I'm sneaking over to Facebook tonight. I'll be making some crop circles in your FarmVille.

HUMBLED?!? Humbled is coming up with what you thought was a great joke and only getting 2 stars.

*That's* humbled!

I try to surround myself with happy, positive people, but sometimes they just really piss me off

I'm sick as a dog.



Think it's H1K9.

It's been so long since I've seen any action, I'm changing my facebook status to Monk.

Regret is my superpower.

I'm one of the twitter delete.

Every time your life turns to crap, a window is opened.... So, at least you don't have to smell it.

A friend tried to console me with "It's better to have loved & lost..."


He'll be released from the ICU tomorrow.

Venting on Twitter is the new 'Banging your head against the wall'

Dog years wouldn't go by so fast if they would just press paws once in a while.

Is Tiger up to 12 yet?

I'm asking for the "2010 Women of Woods" calendar.