Hot Tip: If you're my mum, never talk to me.

Imogene better be at school tomorrow, and she had better bring me more soup.

Dad keeps yelling at me about my future.

And then, a hot chocolate!

Scouting for hot people...

@urbanprojectz *after passing Go* ah, Money Money Money.

Everyone should follow @stellartwot. She makes the internet fun!

Oopsies! Forgot to rub sharp metal on my face this morning to take away my beard.

This isn't a boner. It's that weird thing that jeans do. Get over it...

"My obsession from the western, my dance floor date. My rodeo Romeo, cowboy God from head to toe. 5,6,7,8!" #myfavorite90ssong @the90slife

@thomatude what am I watching.

I would like to be a superstar. Cool and popular.

Put on your shades, 'cos I'll be dancing in the flames.

@stellartwot I'm at some bar, and theres this chick that reminds me of you. Pressuring us 18 year olds to take our clothes off...

Um. Just went to send a text, but wrote it on Twitter instead. Wow.

I love Twitter..

I'm a soldier to my own emptiness, I'm a winner.

@stellartwot All jokes aside, you're the funniest person ever. Straight up.

Shut up you cunt!

What a total fucking bitch. Get fucked.