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Me: "How do you find Will Smith in the snow?" Simon: "That's racist" oh god the answer was look for fresh prints LOOK FOR FRESH PRINTS
I'm forming a band. It's called The Gametes, because sex cells.
"I got a photo with REM. Here, have a look. That's me in the corner."
One time when I hadn't been on Twitter long MC Hammer followed me and when I told mum she made me block him
One time, I heard a girl describe French as "Just like English, but in French."
Oman! I was Hungary but this Turkey is covered in Greece! Norway am I eating it. Czech if I can get a refund Denmark it down for later.
If inventing the plane is wrong, I don't wanna be Wright
"See you later, alligator." "In a while... Dickhead." #notgoingout
Moffat says we've missed a clue in Sherlock. Personally, I think it was when Sherlock said "John, my suicidal identical twin's coming over."
Hello. I wrote a book, it's called Doctor Parsons. It has zombies and love and flashbacks. Please take a look <3 http://caracompass.bigcartel.com/product/doctor-parsons …
11:59 - "May the four - " 00:00 *begins choking* "REVENGE OF THE FIFTH"
Valentine more like gurl you're lookin valenFINE
Tralalalalalala I hope something you love catches on fire
I've just been statistically proven to be the most popular item in a bakery. I guess you could call me a roll modal
you wouldn't download a ghost
I'm surprised Coldplay aren't singing Para, Para, ParaLYMPICCCSSSS