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I saw a spider on my ceiling and let it live*.
*I ran away flapping my arms in the air & screaming, leaving a speed trail of smoke behind.
All right. Going to bed now. I have to catch up on 11 years of sleep.
That moment when kids find your lubricant & you say it's massage oil & you have to sit through being rubbed with Tropical Fruit Explosion.
I like to take showers twice a day. Once in the morning and once at night when I take Tupperware out of the dishwasher.
Sporting a side banana clip hairdo is the 1st of several bad decisions to be made today.
*pulls up pants with "juicy" written on the ass.
Someone on FB just threw her son a full half-year birthday party in case you're wondering why I'm banging my head on the wall repeatedly.
When I hear martial art students scream, I just assume they're pissed off at hitting invisible shit all the time.
When the hell did eyebrows become so important? Slow down, people. I'm still struggling with the French manicure.
My favorite game is repeating confirmation codes using inappropriate words instead of the NATO phonetic alphabet.
11: (to 7) Have a cookie that mom & I made. They taste AMAZING.
Me: How do you know? We haven't tasted them.
11: They were made with love.
You can't beat your kids but nobody said anything about taking your sweet ass time breaking up their fights.
If there's one thing kids have taught me is that if you have dinner at 5pm, there time to fit a whole new meal at 9pm.
Hello darkness my best friend.
Making my own garden this year because thug life.
I'm having tequila chicken because I believe the chicken would've wanted it that way.
"I thought I'd have my shit together by now."
-Me, at 20, 25, 30, 35 and 40.
I'm a mother, I'm a lover. I advertise by day & make cakes by night. Ask your dad if you can follow me. He does. Yo soy french. http://favstar.fm/users/Carbosly
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