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*finds condoms in son's drawer
The Mom: MY BABY IS ALL GROWN UP! (sobs)
The Dad: MY SON'S GETTING LAID MORE THAN I AM!
Withholding sex also means no sex for you.
Clearly you didn't think this through.
*Eats Cheerios to lower cholesterol.
*Sees talking bee.
*Dies of a heart attack.
If I were in the porn business, I'd totally own the "sleeping naked girl getting a massage" niche.
Home is where you can double dip.
I caught my cup of coffee reading inspirational quotes to get through today.
I love you, but not "Yes, Officer. I was with him all night" love you.
There is a special place in hell for people that meet other people they know in a grocery aisle and just stop moving.
I'm "just sang Lionel Richie's "Hello" at the top of my lungs while driving" years-old.
When I'm stuck behind a car holding up the line, I always move slightly to the left so people can see I'm not the bitch.
As far as I'm concerned, the "circle of life" is pizza.
My whole day is just a series of obstacles I have to go through before I get to go to bed again.
Sex, drugs & rock 'n roll is ok but sometimes you have to accept you're more of a cuddle, white wine & adult contemporary kind of girl.
Cecil's brother was shot too?
Well, at least now we know what the Kennedy's reincarnated into.
Take a mannequin with long hair & strap it to a mechanical bull.
Add earthquake & electricity
Congrats, you're braiding the hair of a 4 yo.
On Facebook, I've done the engagement, the wedding, two pregnancies & kids, a promotion, one divorce & a new house.
I think we're done here.
I'm a mother, I'm a lover. I advertise by day & make cakes by night. Ask your dad if you can follow me. He does. Yo soy french. http://favstar.fm/users/Carbosly
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