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I always feel bad for actresses in Vagisil ads.
How desperate do you have to be to tell the world your vagina is a yeast time bomb?
The NFL, where we let you beat your wife, but God help you if you smoke weed.
"But I have a very nice personality."
- Flat bread
Still haven't figured out how to remove something from oven without burning myself but sure, I'll hold your baby.
I'm watching people cooking bulls' testicles on the Food Network in case you're still not convinced I lead an exciting life.
Calm down, dramatic ambiance music on reality shows.
Calm the fuck down.
If I take a few steps without wearing my Fitbit, did it even happen?
I've faked writing down all my confirmation numbers.
- A memoir
I think I've unlocked the achievement award for hitting every milestone leading to a shameful downward spiral.
Lol, please. More like "avoided call".
My son is very upset with me because I ate the last cookie.
I think it's time we have the "Fuck you I paid for it" conversation.
I'm a mother, I'm a lover. I advertise by day & make cakes by night. Ask your dad if you can follow me. He does. Yo soy french. http://favstar.fm/users/Carbosly
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