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This woman is gloating about her kids being in soccer, hockey, baseball, & martial arts.
How about being a kid?
Did they make that team?
Canada Post going on strike is like Donald Trump donating his hair.
It's an unpleasant thought, but not many people will be affected.
Canada Post threatening to go on strike?
I guess I'll just keep paying my bills online like I've been doing for the last decade.
Half of America has a weight problem.
The other half has a "look, I ran a marathon" problem.
Drink with a straw?
I'm in marketing and I'm a mother. And this is what I think about commercials. https://twitter.com/healthline/status/747422488737374208 …
Don't forget to let everyone know what you did this weekend.
People love that.
My neighbors are moving.
I can't wait to meet the new people I'm going to politely ignore on a regular basis.
(Bug in the pool)
*calmly pushes it out of the way.
(Bug in my bath)
*deafening scream, gasping, shower curtain climbing, end of the world.
If I have to pass you from the right, make no mistake. I hate you.
All I'm looking for is someone that likes to take long walks by the beach.
So I can have some alone time.
My ex has been missing 3 weeks now.
The police said to prepare for the worst so I went to the Thrift Store to get his clothes back.
"Sweetie, can you go tell your brother dinner is ready?"
"Ok. (yelling) YO, DINNER IS READY!"
Mental note: the best time to listen to Hip Hop music with your kids is never.
"I'm very upset, you should tell me to "chill" and "relax" to help me calm down."
- No woman ever
I don't want to look desperate so I always wait 48 hours before calling 911.
I'm a mother, I'm a lover. I advertise by day & make cakes by night. Ask your dad if you can follow me. He does. Yo soy french. http://favstar.fm/users/Carbosly
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