Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Going to work on a day like today just tells me I would hate people a lot less if they just stayed the fuck out of my way.
I'll never date a dentist, because what if he's the asshole that never agrees with the four others?
I monitor my kids' sugar intake by the stickiness level of my iPhone screen.
"Want to come up for coffee?"
"Coffee at this time? I'll be up for hours!"
The cat we're getting the kids for Xmas is getting used to its gift box. Took days, but it finally stopped hissing & meowing & moving.
Thought about having a boob avi, but then I remembered.
I'm smart & funny.
Ottawa police department seeking technology update?
*makes Instagram filters available for mugshots.
My job is done here.
My bf is an ass. I don't know why he thought me saying "Sure Babe, whatever makes you happy" meant he could go out with his friends.
I thought sperm was the worst thing I could get in my hair.
Turns out it's marshmallows.
I am suffering from a man cold.
So if you guys need me, I'll be shopping for some Advil and a coffin.
I'm "wore a Banana clip on the side of my hair and thought I looked amazing" years old.
Your lunch smells like your wife hates you.
Just when I thought I couldn't love my kids more, they go have a fight over who gets to squish the spider on the wall for me.
I thought I had lost my favorite sex toy but he's just outside shoveling snow.
When asked what they thought about the increasing Chinese population on Twitter:
20% said: awesome!
6% said: \_(ツ)_/¯
74% said: 把推文链接粘贴到
I really thought I would have my life figured out by now.
- me at 20, 25, 30, 35...
I'm a mother, I'm a lover. I advertise by day & make cakes by night. Ask your dad if you can follow me. He does. Yo soy french. http://favstar.fm/users/Carbosly