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"Kids, help me cook breakfast!"
"Sure, what can we do?"
"Stay the fuck out of my way."
Please entertain me while my porn is buffering.
If I were a news Anchor, my segment would start by a miniclip of me in a red one-piece leather suit breaking the word "NEWS" on my knee.
I kinda hate snow & people right now.
But not snow people. These are adorable.
Apparently, it's frowned upon to send a singing clown at your one night stand's office to tell him he has chlamydia.
Guns don't kill people.
I like to write all my death threat letters in Comic Sans.
I find it lightens the mood.
If I could go back in time, the first thing i would do is give 18 years old me money specifically for coat check in winter.
I don't follow my dreams.
I lead them where I want to go.
If Jesus was real, He wouldn't let Christian music suck so much.
I remember my passwords by never signing out.
Autocorrect keeps changing "whites" to "whores".
Guess I'm doing a load of whores tonight.
-Things I'd hide in my buns if I were Princess Leia.
I'm a mother, I'm a lover. I advertise by day & make cakes by night. Ask your dad if you can follow me. He does. Yo soy french. http://favstar.fm/users/Carbosly