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  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I thought you were a complete asshole but the way you spun your tires at the red light for no reason whatsoever completely changed my mind.

    • 15
    • FAVS
    AudreepaudreePJTLynchRedbadger23Ruben_NYCBDGarpBabetteJones4fatherofmabbasMalteseWright
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    nintariwizardPJTLynchstatuegal4fatherofmabbasAvatar_unknown_48
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I saw a guy in a phone booth & he didn't change into Superman or get sucked into the receiver. He was simply talking.

    It was very surreal.

    • 29
    • FAVS
    thatdutchpersonNinja_Soup_misque703BigMedwardsMaryFuckinMoraThing_Finderw90l1Tinttarainen
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    ArielpiisMelissagayle83sarakelly1601thetobbiertsMuzammilSyed3youngestneilChrist1stAlwaysTravisTryst
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I'm going to IKEA with my boyfriend in case you guys have some final words to say to him.

    • 48
    • FAVS
    YitrynMoonshineOTRDarrylHoustonNinja_Soup_shuggyhg66the_littletrampSureshMKothariKiddykingfan
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    5afashsarakelly1601WeirdNerd42thatalexyardeKristinAndreneKittenMcKayhirojesuskenzie_lewis
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    There are 3 kinds of people who "like" your pics on Facebook.

    1) those related to you
    2) those that want to fuck you
    3) those that hate you

    • 38
    • FAVS
    Ruben_NYCitsEZ_EmzjaxijchrismerrillCurly_gurl135LoverOfComics94RSF788electric_jam_
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    mzjaxijCurly_gurl135LoverOfComics94Ms61222SureshMKothariAmiigatfleekistLouisjoseph0
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I only go to raves for the free massages.

    • 40
    • FAVS
    toddmolayTragicglitterjoshbupkesstrangeHelenaMs61222Scott_A_GilmoreAllTheVanessasKwide81
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    strangeHelenaMs61222SureshMKothariScott_A_GilmoreSine1DripPaintFunnyTunesLoverOfComics94Amiigat
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    "Fucking idiot"

    - Me, to everyone I'm passing on the highway.

    • 84
    • FAVS
    NaughtyFokkerSureshMKothariande52redpawn3FuzzyPimplehirojesusboothairblue_tees
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    Robbyy86SureshMKotharihirojesusScotthobson1The_GetawayGirltheskeletongrinGiacomoHalfcocksens_fan_1986
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    All my friends are on Facebook, sharing recipes, crafts ideas, working out, having babies.

    And I'm on Twitter making dick jokes.
    I so win.

    • 103
    • FAVS
    Ruben_NYCdjlwalksWillieG03SureshMKotharibaebee696969sexysub69JerseyGirl1316madalooo_
    • 37
    • RETWEETS
    KateD_DiReSureshMKotharisexysub69JerseyGirl1316Not_Mario13Scott_A_Gilmorechevyman8291Stephie_Lark
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    There is only one room in which I take orders.

    And it's not the kitchen.

    • 33
    • FAVS
    Ruben_NYCSureshMKothariScott_A_GilmoreMidgetsparih574522loony1DirtyFokkerThatWett_Poly
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    SureshMKothariScott_A_GilmoreadityaaomMissesPops2loony1ThatWett_PolyBadApple2311pauladeaguiar66
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Dont let anyone treat you like you're a yellow candy.
    You're a fucking red candy.

    • 61
    • FAVS
    alottaluvingdjbtvhurricane_heideScott_A_GilmoreplateauohTheCiscoKidderAmishPornStar1no_one_here__
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    hannahbelle_bluamberschreiterOtterpop51Scott_A_GilmoreAmishPornStar1Be_TumiNathanPrewittKRISTINB5150
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    "Hi, what's up?"
    "My penis"
    "..."
    "Good talk."

    • 23
    • FAVS
    alottaluvingScott_A_GilmoreMidgetsparNaughtyFokkerReeseButCallMeVhiimlesRohitKohli236Th3BadGuy__
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    Scott_A_GilmoreManuDev_1RohitKohli236musculardogAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    *getting ready to step out of the house...

    9: aren't you going to do your hair today?

    *confidence booster pic.twitter.com/jqvpPoUEfd

    • 52
    • FAVS
    Ruben_NYCReeseButCallMeVParentNormalun1xphyscoLoverOfComics94Ninja_Soup_CrudeRudyThing_Finder
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    SureshMKothariAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    The best things in life are free.

    Except drugs.
    Drugs are expensive.

    • 43
    • FAVS
    SureshMKotharimadalooo_noddingpoppyCarolynneMEBWoWzerScott_A_GilmoreSexNotPromsplateauoh
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    hannahbelle_bluSureshMKotharithai1erroy_madroy62Scott_A_GilmoreEmmaJeananne_Strumpet_AmishPornStar1
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    For Halloween, I'll go as my kids.

    I'll bitch the whole time I'm being given free candy & I'll shit my pants 2 minutes before getting home.

    • 55
    • FAVS
    TheBoydPScott_A_GilmoreMidgetspar2loony1squirrel8870Earth2BerlinHumor_FetishGingerJ17
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    TheBoydPScott_A_GilmoreGingerJ17_4kdcBigBec43JSLauderdalesfc1953AmishPornStar1
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Your white snobby girlfriend no longer performs oral sex?

    Three words for you.
    Pumpkin Spice Penis.

    You're welcome.

    • 57
    • FAVS
    NichollsTerenceScott_A_GilmoreMidgetspar2loony1ReeseButCallMeVblogginglilyJoeBuonfiglioTh3BadGuy__
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    Scott_A_GilmoreDave_in_SoPofleekistGingerGanderAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Men should start saving money as soon as they start dating a girl.
    If they don't use it for an engagement ring, they'll need it for therapy.

    • 85
    • FAVS
    IVmurderVICrissanthi2LiquorsQuickerTonyAlberto9IrfanAhmad02nikkiskowronroopmilanstrangeHelena
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    RMB_InvestorIVmurderVIstrangeHelenavalzhoganVanlynlawNasir_xyJamesonN7SureshMKothari
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I want to meet this guy sooooo much. pic.twitter.com/uLb6u8w4mb

    • 37
    • FAVS
    BonJovi32stevietheksassyassbellaLoverOfComics94RandomManikNaughtyFokkerjazmastaastutenewf
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    BonJovi32Moin1226creepalerthighfleekistAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    "Actually, they're crrrrrrrrrrrrrrap!"

    -Tony the tiger right after his contract ended.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    gee911QuiteQuietOneScott_A_GilmoreMidgetspar2loony1Th3BadGuy__LoverOfComics94RandomManik
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    QuiteQuietOneScott_A_GilmoreAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    As a mom, my biggest accomplishment is tricking my kids into believing eating Cheerios for dinner is a special treat.

    • 43
    • FAVS
    SureshMKothariScott_A_GilmoreMidgetspar2loony1ReeseButCallMeVTh3BadGuy__DirtyFokkerQwertyJones3
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    SureshMKothariScott_A_GilmoreQwertyJones3Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    "I want a 12" but I know it's more than I can handle & i'll stop wanting it after a while. I'll have a 6" please."

    -Me, at Subway. And sex.

    • 66
    • FAVS
    SureshMKotharin78771Scott_A_GilmoreMidgetsparReeseButCallMeVriyaskp2010call_me_jordyBreane6
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    Scott_A_Gilmorecall_me_jordyjarduhhhTh3BadGuy__jeffswarensAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
@Carbosly

@Carbosly

I'm a mom, I'm a lover, I'm a hoot. I advertise by day & make cakes by night. Ask your dad if you can follow me. He does. http://favstar.fm/users/Carbosly