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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    If I order a dessert with two spoons, it's not to share. It's merely to double my ingesting speed.

    • 18
    • FAVS
    rrazdanStacieTyreeSaltieOldManChaser1kricsemtechroach98phnelFamilyRamblings
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    bigmac4007Chaser1kThePund_Itonehappyghost
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I asked my boyfriend to pick up a box of tampons at the store and he said "OK", but by his tone of voice, I'm 100% sure he spelled it "K".

    • 23
    • FAVS
    Dumbassadorbigmac4007SaltieOldManTeacher_Lady208dman7199TobiwuhpredajorFlattliner
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    ALLENMCRAEheatherlou_
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    No words are safe inside my mouth.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    the_unitronSaltieOldManhiimlesMarlaLynchHempHustlerRDub4yaDinoPerlmanninja_raaawr
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    gawysHempHustlerRDub4yaRay_Gun007Stryfe74ForeverHairy
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    While eating candy, my "sharing window" is directly proportional to the amount of green, yellow and orange candies I have left.

    • 16
    • FAVS
    ninja_raaawrGbone77MarlaLynchGaziusElizasoul80SquishKittenStryfe74LadyMaledicta
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    Gbone77mensconfidencemoonface_babySquishKittenmusculardogSPAC3CRAFtealbluejaybarkingtrees
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    "I'm lost inside your eyes"

    "Sorry! Go up the optic nerve, turn right at the retina, continue until you see the cornea & exit at the pupil"

    • 15
    • FAVS
    the_unitronhiimlesOnceJaydeSaltieOldManGwh1te14perfect_boxxyetichipsStryfe74
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    a_marie4perfect_boxxcrazycomcomThePund_ItAvatar_unknown_48
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Fell asleep drunk & fully dressed after attending a wedding yesterday but the silver lining is I woke up ready for my nephew's baptism.

    • 56
    • FAVS
    mortega00Gbone77lawrenlikesitDeurb1perfumed_chainlistenyoungmanTheycallme501terrycjt
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    lorianlandGbone77Deurb1listenyoungmanterrycjtAmiigatJjkinky49Jefftimmydatripod
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I've never been "lost shoe wrapped around electrical wire" drunk.

    • 21
    • FAVS
    listenyoungmanFraggleRockL490rumandrocksJjkinky49JeffLoverOfComics94AmiigatBabetteJonesterrycjt
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    Jjkinky49JeffAmiigatterrycjtGeneErectNaughtyFokkerKerrstaPdotmusculardog
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Trolls navigate Twitter like a minefield. They step on all of us until they set one off. Then they watch it explode.

    • 18
    • FAVS
    rumandrocksJjkinky49JeffmarcebuklisLoverOfComics94Amiigatb19jonhiimlesclean_not_sober
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Jjkinky49JeffAmiigatGeneErectMarlaLynch
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    If Subway employees insist on calling themselves "sandwich artists", does it mean my sandwich is worth more after I kill them?

    • 44
    • FAVS
    pixiebythemoonAmiigatrumandrocksJjkinky49JeffbenjacksoffLadyAthamemike_henry2marcebuklis
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    bigmac4007AmiigatJjkinky49JeffLoverOfComics94noble_darrinSweetsugarloveyLoneSt4r_MrsScarlett
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    99.9% of your Facebook comments make me hate you even more.

    • 24
    • FAVS
    FraggleRockL490LadyAthameSchwenns_CMrPhillLatimerParentNormalJamieGreenleesafteramyHumanGarbageX
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    AdieuYouriLoverOfComics94AmiigatJjkinky49JeffJasonIn716nightgownsjj_erinmad_glucose
  • Carbosly
     
    Carbosly @Carbosly

    @tinahatesu thank you! Don't have time to do as many anymore but I sure enjoy it. :)

    • 1
    • FAV
    tinahatesu
  • Carbosly
    • 16
    • FAVS
    Bigfish1960mike_henry2clitfingerTobyDSmithJjkinky49Jeffcklee423MarlaLynchSaltieOldMan
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    GeneAdrift
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    If I ever won millions, I wouldn't be the kind of girl to go to work the next day & quit my job.

    I'd send my butler to do that for me.

    • 52
    • FAVS
    FraggleRockL490BitchinFestokiecomedianTheycallme501FluffyCakeWhoreLoverOfComics94ShrinkMediadirtydishtowels
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    okiecomedianFluffyCakeWhoreJjkinky49JeffAmiigatclevercallsignlyrehcannjohnnyhornerMoodyPurples
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    My boyfriend prefers to have sex in the morning so I always give him 10 minutes of privacy.

    • 30
    • FAVS
    LoverOfComics94littlemaclargeJjkinky49JeffAmiigatRaynepotchSchwenns_CRealGorillaNipsmacchiatonumb
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    Jjkinky49JeffAmiigatChuck_N_SpearsRay_Gun007ninja_raaawrStryfe74
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    "Can I salvage this situation?"

    -me, looking in the mirror, every morning.

    • 39
    • FAVS
    FraggleRockL490LadyAthame81I2TheBaileyAdventDonna_McCoyJjkinky49JeffGlorificus917simoncholland
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    FraggleRockL49081I2AveenRamdinDonna_McCoyJjkinky49JefflolawithbigcupsLoverOfComics94Glenny_Baby
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    My kids have made the word "leftovers" disappear from my everyday vocabulary.
    Wouldn't be surprised if they ate it.

    • 18
    • FAVS
    msrobnhoodPurelyYours1Jjkinky49JeffJane___JonessimonchollandLoverOfComics94WasteOfBillablexosm
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Jjkinky49JeffHow_Hardysamiam60481I2
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I'm warning you. I have a black belt.
    I also have a red one, a yellow one, a blue one and pretty much all colors.
    I like to accessorize.

    • 40
    • FAVS
    FraggleRockL490hippocroteezKimKardashsToedirtydishtowelspaperphotoyoPurelyYours1Jjkinky49JeffGlorificus917
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    dirtydishtowelsJjkinky49JeffGlenny_BabyAmiigatFlattlinerHow_Hardysamiam604DruPaCabra378
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I leave glasses of water everywhere like in the movie Signs.
    Except it's not for aliens. It's so I'll have water no matter where I pass out.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    msrobnhoodLoverOfComics94Glenny_BabyAmiigatFlattlinerTittystonedjamesleejobeSaltieOldMan
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    AmiigatjamesleejobeHow_Hardysamiam60481I2Kristi_McKamieterrycjtJjkinky49Jeff
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    You say "shared custody", I say "free babysitter that takes the kids half the time".

    • 27
    • FAVS
    msrobnhoodLoverOfComics94samiam604Jjkinky49JeffFatesBastardflanneryblairpineappleiheartMarlaLynch
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    How_Hardysamiam604Jjkinky49Jeff
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Coworker: "You look very tired this morning. Are you ok?"

    Me: "I'm fine. Didn't sleep well. Thank you for your passive-aggressive concern."

    • 20
    • FAVS
    simonchollandTobyDSmithTittystonedMommy_Bran_81samiam604Jjkinky49JeffJohnHaysMoneypennyNaked
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    PsychobawaHow_HardyMommy_Bran_81samiam604Jjkinky49JeffAmiigatGeneErectGSHOK99
@Carbosly

@Carbosly

I'm a mother, I'm a lover. I advertise by day & make cakes by night. Ask your dad if you can follow me. He does. Yo soy french. http://favstar.fm/users/Carbosly

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