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I'm so fucking sorry, kids named Constantin.
Shopping for a suit for the boyfriend.
Me: "You're going to kill in that!"
Him: "Yeah. Myself."
Key learning of the day, before giving an army salute, always put your scissors down.
Getting a pedicure for the first time.
Is that pound of dead flesh next to my feet normal?
When a guy hits on you at the pharmacy, holding condoms and yeast infection cream both increases and decreases your chances of getting laid.
When I see new parents, can't help but smile, hug my kids a little closer & whisper softly in their ear: "So fucking glad we're passed that"
I really wish I had not enlarged your avi.
There aren't enough tables to flip in the world to illustrate how I feel today.
Maybe she's born with it, but pretty fucking sure it's makeup artists, hairdressers, photographers, stylists, Photoshop & a 13 y/o model.
I am more social via my phone then I ever will be outside of my house.
Having my car in the shop, I have to carry everything I buy from the grocery store to my house.
Best. Diet. Ever.
*buys feathers & air
"You did well! Now go home & take good care of your teeth. Oh, I almost forgot. Here's a lollypop full of sugar."
I wish my kids had a "bring your mom to school" day.
How do telemarketers even survive?
I don't understand... Like... Are there still people that answer the phone???
I dug my own grave.
It has Netflix & wifi and a nachos machine.
I'm really easy to work with mostly because I don't give a fuck what you do.
My signature move is running out of gas and immediately throwing myself in heavy traffic.
I'm a mother, I'm a lover. I advertise by day & make cakes by night. Ask your dad if you can follow me. He does. Yo soy french. http://favstar.fm/users/Carbosly
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