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I was having dinner with friends and all of a sudden, the conversation died down.
AND THERE WAS NO REFRESH BUTTON!
When I'm driving, I always try to hit the pedestrian walking a big dog.
If I'm lucky, the dog is strong enough to bring the corpse home.
Mirror mirror on the wall, I'm the dirtiest of them all.
My special power is attending a meeting & adding no value whatsoever.
Apparently, when your skanky coworker Stephanie faints, punching her repeatedly is not what First Aid advocates to wake her up.
Monica Lewinski joined Twitter?
Total of whores on Twitter: 6 457 642 + 1
True love is not having to go back & correct your typos anymore.
My signature move is ordering a coffee to drink on my way to work and spilling half of it on myself before getting there.
Kids are in bed.
Best way to end the weekend.
Key learning of the day:
Brown rice is to be served only if your taste buds are dead.
I just bought the second batch of Halloween candies that won't make it to Halloween.
When four cars arrive at a four-way stop simultaneously, I like to play a fun game called "fuck all of you, I'm going!"
Autocorrect is my virtual husband.
I start something.
It tries to finish me off.
"I only snore when I'm tired, sick or drunk."
- Men who are always either tired, sick or drunk.
Of course I'll try anal, love.
Judging by the sound my son with a sprained ankle makes around the house, pretty sure no zombie will ever sneak up on me.
If you want the scoop on the weather, just ask me when I'm planning to do fun outside activities.
100% chance of rain.
I'm a mom, I'm a lover, I'm a hoot. I advertise by day & make cakes by night. Ask your dad if you can follow me. He does. http://favstar.fm/users/Carbosly