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I thought you were a complete asshole but the way you spun your tires at the red light for no reason whatsoever completely changed my mind.
I saw a guy in a phone booth & he didn't change into Superman or get sucked into the receiver. He was simply talking.
It was very surreal.
I'm going to IKEA with my boyfriend in case you guys have some final words to say to him.
There are 3 kinds of people who "like" your pics on Facebook.
1) those related to you
2) those that want to fuck you
3) those that hate you
I only go to raves for the free massages.
- Me, to everyone I'm passing on the highway.
All my friends are on Facebook, sharing recipes, crafts ideas, working out, having babies.
And I'm on Twitter making dick jokes.
I so win.
There is only one room in which I take orders.
And it's not the kitchen.
Dont let anyone treat you like you're a yellow candy.
You're a fucking red candy.
"Hi, what's up?"
The best things in life are free.
Drugs are expensive.
For Halloween, I'll go as my kids.
I'll bitch the whole time I'm being given free candy & I'll shit my pants 2 minutes before getting home.
Your white snobby girlfriend no longer performs oral sex?
Three words for you.
Pumpkin Spice Penis.
Men should start saving money as soon as they start dating a girl.
If they don't use it for an engagement ring, they'll need it for therapy.
"Actually, they're crrrrrrrrrrrrrrap!"
-Tony the tiger right after his contract ended.
As a mom, my biggest accomplishment is tricking my kids into believing eating Cheerios for dinner is a special treat.
"I want a 12" but I know it's more than I can handle & i'll stop wanting it after a while. I'll have a 6" please."
-Me, at Subway. And sex.
I'm a mom, I'm a lover, I'm a hoot. I advertise by day & make cakes by night. Ask your dad if you can follow me. He does. http://favstar.fm/users/Carbosly