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Playing hard to get is stupid once you realize how much fun it is to get caught.
- My ass, after I put on a g-string.
If pie companies don't use pie charts during their presentations, it's a waste of farcical humor.
Keith Richards doesn't age.
He's been 71 for 20 years now.
Being my boyfriend is:
15% listening to me bitch
25% being my +1 at weddings
5% opening jars
10% taking out trash
45% fastening necklaces
My son and I keep arguing.
I want him to clean his room and he wants to be Batman.
Make me your God.
I'll clean this shit up.
I want to be the reason why you take a shower before going to bed and another one before going to work.
You know how some people eat like motherfuckers and don't gain weight? I'm like that.
But opposite. I don't eat & I get fat.
Am I tweeting too rapidly? It's like some of you have trouble following me.
I am extremely considerate.
For example if you're ugly and we're having sex, I'll put the bag on my own head to spare you the humiliation.
How much did the Super Blood Moon affect you yesterday?
a) not at all
b) a little
My special power is taking a shortcut that will add 30 minutes to my route.
"I'M ON FUCKING CRUISE CONTROL!!!"
- Fun things I want to yell at the idiot I'm passing for the fifth time.
There is a special place in hell for people that make me touch my breaks while I'm on cruise control.
-Me, every time I open the door for a stranger and they don't acknowledge it.
I'm a mother, I'm a lover. I advertise by day & make cakes by night. Ask your dad if you can follow me. He does. Yo soy french. http://favstar.fm/users/Carbosly
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