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I don't need a fan at work.
My drama queen coworker's excessive sighing is working just fine.
Truth is, if I'm not in your picture, I'm not really interested in seeing it.
Twitter is where grown ups come to play, and where we actually have the freedom to make all of our bad decisions happen.
Hey, men whose wives are too tired to have sex with them?
EVER TRIED FUCKING HELPING THEM?
Wearing black is my new workout.
Mommy is eating your chocolate because she loves you.
Now eat your broccoli. Mommy doesn't like to speak with her mouth full.
I want to be one of those happy people we all hate.
Relationship status: Eating my kids' Easter chocolate.
I can pretty much sleep & Google my way out of anything.
Learning bad words in a foreign language is fun until you get hungry & all you can order is a whore with a side order of fuck you.
If by runner's high you mean a crushing pain in your chest & wishing you were dead, then yup.
Totally have that.
Filing my taxes.
Where's the "it's complicated" checkbox?
My shower head has three settings.
"Rainfall", "Pulsating" and "OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD YESSSSSSSS!".
I treat my ex-husband like a God.
I only call him when I need his help.
I'm a mom, I'm a lover, I'm a hoot. I advertise by day & make cakes by night. Ask your dad if you can follow me. He does. http://favstar.fm/users/Carbosly