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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    *finds condoms in son's drawer

    The Mom: MY BABY IS ALL GROWN UP! (sobs)

    The Dad: MY SON'S GETTING LAID MORE THAN I AM!
    (sobs)

    • 16
    • FAVS
    613ChuckStryfe74JCWisdomNuggetsImaVeggieChristianPlanteCelebrityChezMikeJespersenMarlaLynch
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Stryfe74
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Withholding sex also means no sex for you.

    Clearly you didn't think this through.

    • 31
    • FAVS
    JCWisdomNuggets_bodhi_23MikeJespersengivemeaOfrontdoorslutgerryhatricLoveYoorFategizzydebbie
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    givemeaOfrontdoorslutStabby_smurftommy_hunter34bodingCrumpet_90GrillinChillin9Maria2TheV
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    *Eats Cheerios to lower cholesterol.
    *Sees talking bee.
    *Dies of a heart attack.

    • 24
    • FAVS
    4bodingChristianPlanteSassyTexasGalJasperJay40aviana_caicedohiimles420luckPomeranianChild
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    BonJovi32SassyTexasGalmensconfidenceMilla_JacobsLoverOfComics94musculardogphase2099Crutnacker
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    If I were in the porn business, I'd totally own the "sleeping naked girl getting a massage" niche.

    • 29
    • FAVS
    AdmiralSarcasmJakkiMac21kaytaaCallMeDraperFlattlinerStellaGMaddoxih57452JCWisdomNuggets
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    hymnforrachelkaytaaCallMeDraperBonJovi32mamitakatemensconfidencemusculardog2happyright
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Home is where you can double dip.

    • 29
    • FAVS
    curiousteej4bodingSaltieOldMansomeguyJAFred1BootLoverOfComics94JCWisdomNuggetsImaVeggie
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    mamitakateLoverOfComics94ImaVeggieblamedaneaultAvatar_unknown_48
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I don't even bother reading Twitter anymore. I just go straight to @themichaelrock 's timeline because he RT's the best stuff.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    LoveNLunchmeatTheMichaelRock
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I caught my cup of coffee reading inspirational quotes to get through today.

    • 28
    • FAVS
    4bodingStryfe74SaltieOldMansomeguyJALoverOfComics94puddaholicJCWisdomNuggetsAmiigat
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    AmiigatoeholmenJackP153musculardogThePund_It
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I love you, but not "Yes, Officer. I was with him all night" love you.

    • 38
    • FAVS
    4bodingshakes31471someguyJAGregHenchmanLoverOfComics94JCWisdomNuggetsTheMichaelRocksalamingia
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    LoverOfComics94bmciverFlattlinermeliisgoodOPDCAIN1thepoetknightVintageRisqueDilemmaEmmaEmma
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    There is a special place in hell for people that meet other people they know in a grocery aisle and just stop moving.

    • 44
    • FAVS
    Jake_Vigrickpric4bodinglisaxy424MariaGiannioticalluptomesomeguyJALoverOfComics94
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    MariaGianniotiTheBoydPSlicNic5150TheMichaelRockclaypricelessCBNCOUPEStryfe74Bsilverstrim77
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I'm "just sang Lionel Richie's "Hello" at the top of my lungs while driving" years-old.

    • 24
    • FAVS
    Cunda22mervynwarrensomeguyJALoverOfComics94JCWisdomNuggetsTheMichaelRockTobyDSmithJanePeaches
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    daviddasmensconfidencemusculardog
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    When I'm stuck behind a car holding up the line, I always move slightly to the left so people can see I'm not the bitch.

    • 49
    • FAVS
    someguyJALoverOfComics94JCWisdomNuggetsjoffaMacTheMichaelRockmums_hugsandroszrGlorificus917
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    SamsaraSoulCassfullofjoyCBNCOUPEFlattlinerGlenny_BabyDuGenieQueenofTacosMrPhillLatimer
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    As far as I'm concerned, the "circle of life" is pizza.

    • 93
    • FAVS
    Jake_Vigsteve_condralisaxy424PrincessBuckeyeMariaGianniotiDoucheMcBaggus1800Randycalluptome
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    PrincessBuckeyeMariaGianniotistedanchick1800RandycalypsoxoYaritsza_Hannibal_BaggaMHanson62
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Boeuf mongol? C'est le cousin de la vache folle? pic.twitter.com/MDCRQsMATs

    • 11
    • FAVS
    shakes31471marcebuklisDuGeniebigonadonalexmailhotmissmaneraBabetteJonesCoLiN69J
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Marieandreehbigonadonmissmaneramusculardog
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    My whole day is just a series of obstacles I have to go through before I get to go to bed again.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    MariaGianniotianthracitedubsgtblueeyesshakes31471someguyJAmums_hugsMichaelsfamilyGlorificus917
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    MariaGianniotishakes31471VicPopuliGlenny_Babyjames1052hernamesbonscottitude37cami
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Sex, drugs & rock 'n roll is ok but sometimes you have to accept you're more of a cuddle, white wine & adult contemporary kind of girl.

    • 39
    • FAVS
    4bodingJCWisdomNuggetsGoodBadThingMulva74LoverOfComics94ChuckVirtsCharitySandrahanoiheroin
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    DuGenieLoverOfComics94hanoiheroinMireyahWolfe_GusfrabaVeroniKaboomMarlaLynchterrycjt
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Cecil's brother was shot too?

    Well, at least now we know what the Kennedy's reincarnated into.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    4bodingshakes31471LoverOfComics94cklee423the_unitronBabetteJonesJLetournoRealPrincessKim
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    terrycjtHempHustler
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Take a mannequin with long hair & strap it to a mechanical bull.
    Add earthquake & electricity

    Congrats, you're braiding the hair of a 4 yo.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    4bodingshakes31471someguyJAmums_hugsLoverOfComics94Cmd7575MimiApplepieMud409
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Mud409AmiigatbarkingtreesAvatar_unknown_48
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I don't want to brag, but there's a 50% chance I'll have sex with @robertdowneyjr

    I want to.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    RealPrincessKimMimiApplepieNaughtyFokkerSaltieOldMan613ChuckVice_QueenAvatar_unknown_48
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    tash_newson
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    On Facebook, I've done the engagement, the wedding, two pregnancies & kids, a promotion, one divorce & a new house.
    I think we're done here.

    • 32
    • FAVS
    shakes31471someguyJAGoodBadThingWinoPitLoverLoverOfComics94MimiApplepieSkwerlbaitNaughtyFokker
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    AmiigatSureshMKothari81I2
@Carbosly

@Carbosly

I'm a mother, I'm a lover. I advertise by day & make cakes by night. Ask your dad if you can follow me. He does. Yo soy french. http://favstar.fm/users/Carbosly

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