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  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Let me just punch your face until it's Feng Shui.

    • 32
    • FAVS
    BabetteJonesEllaJadeBrand2loony1deathsquadbratallisullichad_brothertonJTppManAmiigat
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    JTppManAmiigat81I2TheCattyLadyDaveTheAlbinobobbyloverzdivestifyevildadatron
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Religion is the most powerful & destructive weapon ever engineered by men.

    • 25
    • FAVS
    JTppManih57452GoodBadThingKinksterMindNikiDresdenBabetteJonesdesi_princess_bodhi_23
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    ih57452GoodBadThingNikiDresdengeocourt73Mr_Linas81I2slowcurvesaheaddrewpetrou
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    My draft folder is ashamed of me.

    • 30
    • FAVS
    JTppManTeejayRushBabetteJonesAmiigatDickScurvyJaySusHChristnocturnologywbtegra
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushAmiigatiluvtekilaAmishPornStar1Morgan2383MobobbyloverzGrillinChillin9
  • Carbosly
     
    Carbosly @Carbosly

    Just did. Bam.

    "@harrybowls: @carbosly @woodnheadmike you can not preach about marriage advice an bring up divorce in the same tweet fyi”

    • 11
    • FAVS
    TobyDSmithChristoholioJuanSaltonwhoshurdaddyMarlaLynchmikesorohanAnitaHelmetblanco_basura
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Marriage is all about balance.

    Spend as much money on your divorce as you did on your wedding.

    • 43
    • FAVS
    BrandonDarby1_MaineGuyCoLiN69JKimKardashsToeJTppManih57452Ninja_Soup_pineappleiheart
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    BrandonDarby1JTppManAmiigatInoussaOJuanSaltonShipInTheKnightClarkDoreyLoverOfComics94
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    "Footprints" is a poem about how, despite walking on water, Jesus can't walk on sand.

    • 19
    • FAVS
    NikiDresdenJTppManElskaLiamJaySusHChristTheMattyMayParentNormalastutenewfzenshooter
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    NikiDresdendreaded_rustElskaLiamzenshooterjeannerbeanerBaboJazziedivestifyHereBeMorons
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    If I ever start writing poetry on Twitter, do know it will be a cry for help.

    • 16
    • FAVS
    JTppMandlockw21poiuytq1Glenny_BabyNaughtyFokkerhiimlesCoLiN69Jyly_coyote
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    poiuytq1bobbyloverzAspo1962
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    My Twitter goal is to transform my handle into a verb.
    As in : you fucking carboslyed the shit out of that tweet.

    • 31
    • FAVS
    JTppManGoodBadThingchad_brothertonAmiigatsherrymparkerLoverOfComics94dlockw21poiuytq1
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    AmiigatLoverOfComics94NaughtyFokkerWTFGene_ReallydivestifybigAtheVERBmorgantsparks1Avatar_unknown_48
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    It's very important to keep your family and your job separate.

    So my kids don't know I have a job.

    • 20
    • FAVS
    JTppManih57452pineappleiheartParentNormalPatrickMichelSalty_OldManhuntigulaastutenewf
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    johngayseeAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    "I'm not really boarding a plane. I'm just here for the body search."

    -Me, flirting at the airport.

    • 41
    • FAVS
    JTppManGoodBadThingih57452PatrickMichelSomeCdnGuyJaySusHChristFred1Boot1Tinttarainen
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    GoodBadThingforever_fun69evildadatronjonnythumperasouthpaw4lifeadamjestDrKuntsTalkbackatme
  • Carbosly
    • 17
    • FAVS
    JTppManBabetteJonesCrudeRudyMarlaLynchTheMichaelRockxJOKER25xGaziusDoucheMcBaggus
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    DrKunts
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    They should sell bagel holes.
    That way I can make tiny sandwiches & pretend I'm a giant when I eat them.

    • 46
    • FAVS
    JTppManlvvzzautumn_bgoif_I_writeaPlaceInHellLoverOfComics94JaySusHChristAyyy_itsme
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    lvvzzpineappleiheartCanadianPitbullBoobzillazMarlaLynchbiketestingTheMichaelRockamydillon
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    The cyclist who thought he was a car.

    - A memoir

    • 33
    • FAVS
    JTppManRandomFlumpragingvetItsjusKimberlyCoLiN69JTheMichaelRockSureshMKothariSolelyB
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    ragingvetItsjusKimberlyWolfpup99CoLiN69JTlaxBoy05sfc1953philEfanaddictAvatar_unknown_48
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Make-up sex is basically just me putting on makeup until someone wants to fuck me.

    • 76
    • FAVS
    JTppMankhanti___sarUGH_jessemowendlockw21_SetTheHook_nachotwitcrushToxicProbably
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    jessemowenOddest_Goddess_SetTheHook_ToxicProbablyAphroditeAfter5SureshMKothariTlaxBoy05NaughtyFokker
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Today I woke up full of energy.
    I want to clean the house, go for a run & cook spaghetti sauce.

    Don't worry. I'll sleep that shit off.

    • 54
    • FAVS
    JTppMandlockw21jamilskie1JaySusHChristTheMichaelRockRichardProctorSureshMKothariSolelyB
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    SureshMKothariTlaxBoy05GoodBadThingslim259JonahSalosdivestifylouloulkaaDrKunts
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    It's cute how cable tv tries to hide the curse words by muting them out.

    It's not like I'm not used to people mouthing "fuck you" to me.

    • 49
    • FAVS
    jamilskie1CoLiN69JTheMichaelRockRichardProctorSureshMKothariSal0630lacrossemom5slipperysyntax
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    RantdogSureshMKothariTlaxBoy05don_donnadrnaScorpioUndonesurkinvalkikdbakbitchJamesonN7
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    My boss signed me up for a Twitter tutorial.
    LOL.
    Bitch, please.

    • 48
    • FAVS
    CoLiN69JTheMichaelRockRichardProctorSolelyBSal0630Sarah_JoyousGoodBadThingCmd7575
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    SureshMKothariGoodBadThingkwikxandesteetabernacDrKuntsAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    The mall looks like we transformed Santa into a piñata, beat the shit out of him until he exploded everywhere.

    • 20
    • FAVS
    alottaluvingTheMichaelRockSal0630CrisisLinedBabetteJonespineappleiheartWilliamAderzgbetty
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    SuppercaseWomandivestifyAvatar_unknown_48
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I drop my phone on my face all the time except when I'm in my bath.
    Conclusion: phone wants to hurt me but not enough to die in the process.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    dlockw21CoLiN69JTheMichaelRockSal0630MrScoutomaticCmd7575steevelamyLoverOfComics94
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    SureshMKothariLoverOfComics94TeejayRushlyrehcannNaughtyFokkerpineappleiheartastutenewfLa__Richard
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I think Nature Valley has unrealistic expectations of how many people actually go forest-deep to eat their product.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    ColoChiverHannahLTayTheMichaelRockSal0630myaccentisweirdBrandonDarby1JTppManTaraFickes
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    BrandonDarby1YouKnow_MegsssJordanLuhrsVodkaTiemFingers_of_FuryastutenewfpineappleiheartSkinGloveAustin
@Carbosly

@Carbosly

I'm a mom, I'm a lover, I'm a hoot. I advertise by day & make cakes by night. Ask your dad if you can follow me. He does. http://favstar.fm/users/Carbosly