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  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I'm so fucking sorry, kids named Constantin.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    SaltieOldManRedFalcon325SteelFontanaGloriaFallon123peterjames48Ar_mi21SteveSuckingtonStarkCity
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Shopping for a suit for the boyfriend.

    Me: "You're going to kill in that!"
    Him: "Yeah. Myself."

    • 15
    • FAVS
    SaltieOldManAmiigatih57452MarlaLynch_shelbyself_bleu_blanc_redCaribbePirate76hiimles
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    AmiigatCaribbePirate76onelucky1519Bob61
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Key learning of the day, before giving an army salute, always put your scissors down.

    • 22
    • FAVS
    jamben82ColdWar2ADGonzalezJoseTheNaughtyFokkerMarlaLynchgameofdestinVinCortinamdrme622
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    jamben82geocourt73gameofdestinAmiigatMroberts131heatherlou_TheAlexNeviljuneohara65
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Getting a pedicure for the first time.
    Is that pound of dead flesh next to my feet normal?

    • 13
    • FAVS
    jamben82HrBryTeaBeaPeaParentNormalMud409Token_GeezerhiimlesFattMernandez
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    jamben82kuceribfAhmedSiwi
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Every once in a while, you fall in love with someone's tweets.
    @amydillon is that person today.
    ❤️

    • 6
    • FAVS
    TheCatWhisprerFatesBastardamydillonAnyaLachae7ParentNormalSilleVio
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    When a guy hits on you at the pharmacy, holding condoms and yeast infection cream both increases and decreases your chances of getting laid.

    • 19
    • FAVS
    jamben82m4delenetatsabratAmiigatDickMarcsTeaBeaPeaSaltieOldManCindyNoPants
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    jamben82Amiigatshpitalevsameralkhoury
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Can anyone send Meredith to my ex? I like how she kills everyone she touches. #GreysAnatomy

    • 20
    • FAVS
    TeaBeaPeaTwiceTheHopsBabetteJonesLauraJenniewhiteroses222xoxo_KMDosieDoehiimles
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    RonaldFlaimChavesYzer19BriTtanybitch_0boredecho11samanth28906086
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    When I see new parents, can't help but smile, hug my kids a little closer & whisper softly in their ear: "So fucking glad we're passed that"

    • 38
    • FAVS
    jamben82BlaineKyTeaBeaPeaLoverOfComics94jamieevertwitBabetteJonesamydillonDosieDoe
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    jamben82BlaineKyLoverOfComics94pwilshirejeannerbeanerPJTLynchblondfrompawalters_inferno
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I really wish I had not enlarged your avi.

    • 26
    • FAVS
    jamben82TeaBeaPeaBiscuitFloaterGlorificus917DosieDoeCoLiN69JastutenewfMarlaLynch
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    jamben82BiscuitFloaterClarity1185ThePlasticPopekrazy8nyPure_ExcellencyS3nt13ntB31ng
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    There aren't enough tables to flip in the world to illustrate how I feel today.

    • 55
    • FAVS
    TeaBeaPeaBiscuitFloaterDosieDoeCayce_bogoCoLiN69Jdogstar95scaruso5555JohnBechard
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    bryceukJohnBechardAmiigatKristiBelle29JCWisdomNuggetsJHayden63MondayPajamas_goldiloks_
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Maybe she's born with it, but pretty fucking sure it's makeup artists, hairdressers, photographers, stylists, Photoshop & a 13 y/o model.

    • 37
    • FAVS
    Chloestylojamben82TeaBeaPeaLiquidthekidDosieDoePure_ExcellencyRobotSkeleton69JCWisdomNuggets
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    jamben82LoverOfComics94AmiigatT_Bonezzzblurryfotolfragnerphilzyslimz
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I am more social via my phone then I ever will be outside of my house.

    • 24
    • FAVS
    jamben82TeaBeaPeaDosieDoePure_ExcellencyDeucesarewild58oc1863LoverOfComics94Amiigat
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    jamben82Deucesarewild58Pra_tik_tik_shaLoverOfComics94Amiigatstace33FatesBastardJonahSalos
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    Having my car in the shop, I have to carry everything I buy from the grocery store to my house.
    Best. Diet. Ever.

    *buys feathers & air

    • 24
    • FAVS
    jamben82TeaBeaPeakindrexDosieDoePure_ExcellencysomeguyJAericsshadowColoChiver
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    jamben82kindrexRonaldFlaimAmiigat
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    "You did well! Now go home & take good care of your teeth. Oh, I almost forgot. Here's a lollypop full of sugar."

    -Dentists

    • 28
    • FAVS
    TeaBeaPeaPure_ExcellencyBobDonnelly6ColoChivermikesorohancrunchenhanceduncledrunkyjamben82
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    someguyJAQueenofTacosjamben82kuzmikovfedoLoverOfComics94jdforshort
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I wish my kids had a "bring your mom to school" day.

    • 32
    • FAVS
    TeaBeaPeaCoLiN69JPure_ExcellencysomeguyJAericsshadowColoChivercrunchenhanceduncledrunky
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    jamben82piyush938imacountrypeachstr82he11AmiigatCoolGuy6NineStephanLivecchiAvatar_unknown_48
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    How do telemarketers even survive?
    I don't understand... Like... Are there still people that answer the phone???

    • 63
    • FAVS
    the_rock_chicTeaBeaPeaBiscuitFloaterPure_ExcellencysomeguyJAmiss_bridgieS_DMagazineGasaiYuno2222
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    SouthernkiddosomeguyJAHenry_3knakedlaughingHockeyChick_80crunchenhancedjamben82pattttrick44
  • Carbosly
     
    Carbosly @Carbosly

    @coolguy6nine
    Duh! the liquid cheese! ;)

    • 1
    • FAV
    CoolGuy6Nine
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I dug my own grave.
    It has Netflix & wifi and a nachos machine.
    Goodbye forever.

    • 42
    • FAVS
    TeaBeaPeaBiscuitFloaterPure_ExcellencysomeguyJArezeskiericsshadowShe_and_MeJez1
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    Jez1jamben82GoodBadThingpiyush938LoverOfComics94_maudi3CoolGuy6NineDuGenie
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    I'm really easy to work with mostly because I don't give a fuck what you do.

    • 41
    • FAVS
    TeaBeaPeachadj19BiscuitFloaterrsj62460Fitness95clitfingerPure_ExcellencysomeguyJA
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    BiscuitFloaterrsj62460legrant101jamben82drunktweets81CoolGuy6NineMissDior_Jadoreeslv72
  • Carbosly
      Carbosly @Carbosly

    My signature move is running out of gas and immediately throwing myself in heavy traffic.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    TeaBeaPeasomeguyJAericsshadowColoChivercrunchenhanceduncledrunkyjamben82drunktweets81
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    someguyJAjamben82CoolGuy6NineSureshMKothariiGreenMonkknowingsarahDukEB51MrBinPrague
@Carbosly

@Carbosly

I'm a mother, I'm a lover. I advertise by day & make cakes by night. Ask your dad if you can follow me. He does. Yo soy french. http://favstar.fm/users/Carbosly

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