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When in doubt, always choose the soup AND the salad.
Hey, people who hate all the people?
I'll kill you last.
"STOP PLAYING WITH ROCKS! You'll set the cave on fire!"
I like you, but not "Go through the trouble of inviting you for dinner if you became vegan" like you.
Wearing ugly underwear so pretty sure the Universe's plan is to get me in an accident that will require paramedics to cut my clothes off.
People driving in the rain
People driving in the rain ahead of me
-level of hate : 📈
I'm so excited. Today is our first kiss anniversary which was quickly followed by our first run together and first restraining order.
I'm sorry I laughed at your "food intolerances", but in my defense, I don't care.
"When I was young, I had to masturbate to shoulders"
- Dial up Internet porn, a memoir.
My signature move is hiding my weed inside my house and forgetting where I put it.
I just hit a hooker with my car.
Quick! How do I tell if she's also dead outside?
I hate people. Especially the driving kind.
My morning commute is spent trying to find the balance between a good security perimeter & not allowing enough space for someone to cut in.
"So you want to know where the "extra petite" section is? Sure! Just take a left, go straight until you see a cliff then jump off."
"Tonight, I'm going to bed early."
- Biggest lie I tell myself. Every night. For the last 10 years.
Behind every great man, there's a great woman...
...waiting for a perfect moment to push him off the bridge & make it look like an accident.
I'm afraid I can't see you anymore.
It's not me, it's you.
You're a total bitch.
I'm a mother, I'm a lover. I advertise by day & make cakes by night. Ask your dad if you can follow me. He does. Yo soy french. http://favstar.fm/users/Carbosly
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