Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Nothing brings people together like mutual hatred towards a third person.
No guy has made me fall head over heels but a few have put my heels over my head so I guess that's something.
If I'm kneeling, prayer is probably the last thing on my mind.
Guy on ESPN just credited Boston as being the city that created "Boston Strong". Great reporting.
Forty and never played an instrument. Think I'm gonna learn guitar
That's what I'm gonna do. Do they come with 1 string for beginners
I fucking love Japanese pickled ginger.
Ok, that's it.
If you overhear a girl say "Oh my god I am SUCH a dork!" aloud, you are legally obligated to punch her in the face.
I only like my French Fries unsalted if I eat them while I'm crying.
Doctors should prescribe puppies instead of anti-depressants.
I'd rather eat a bowl of spaghetti while watching SAW then do my sons laundry the night after a chili cook-off.
My sons ass must be like the lint screen on a dryer, but for shitty toilet paper. It looks like miniature mud warlocks TP'd his underwear.
Let's never stop starring each other's tweets.
This DMV smells like a days worth of pissy diapers.
I'm going to start calling out all of those who unfollow me.
F you, Scott Baio! Chachi wasn't even my favorite character on Happy Days.
I hate when people think they're cooler than me just because they have friends and don't dress their cats as the village people.
I don't trust anybody who doesn't smell their own socks.
Your boobs are worth losing friends over.
The best part about eating in the break room is seeing how quickly I can get the vegans to puke due to the burger blood dripping down my arm
PREGNANT?!? What do you mean you're PREGNANT?
YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!