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Which one of you cd binders wants to take me on a road trip?
Not now kids! mom is stalking old boyfriends on the Internet.
STAR WARS TWEETS
Don't be fooled by my Bluetooth headset from 2005. I'm here to give you multiple orgasms.
Something about politics I don't know fuck you
I thought it was a pants off dance off but turns out it was just a regular old dance off dance off
Lazy? Oh I guess this bust of Darth Vader made entirely of macaroni and cheese just constructed itself.
Find someone that sends you pictures of puppies at 12:47 am
it's already may 1st? what's next may 2nd? fuck everything
swipe down on tinder to send people straight to hell
Look if you're a witch and you're old af and you look old af then maybe you're not all that great at witchin'
Thanks to Terminator 2 I can't help but cry any time anyone gives me a thumbs up while melting in lava
INTERVIEWER: where do you see yourself in 5 years?
ME: *closes my eyes like I can see into the future* I'll be dead from working so hard.
*sneaks back later that night, digs up hatchet*
What cmon it's a good hatchet
My sister let me name her new kitten so it's now called Genghis Khat.
Here's a pop-tart
get your snack on
And the best part
is they're frosted
and sometimes i eat them cold
forever swiping no to jacked guys on tinder cause I'm scared they'll make me workout
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