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My favorite part of twitter is trying to figure out what happened the night before.
The only day I hate of the week is sober.
Everytime I think things are awesome in my life. I run out of Vodka and realize: I really am an alcoholic.
Sometimes you search for happiness. Sometimes you fight for happiness. But I've found the easiest way is to purchase it at the Vodka store.
Twitter is what we make it. Always has been, always will be. -- Vodka.
I think the thing I like best about women is all the sex. That and the laundry function.
I don't look at twitter as judging people. It's more like supporting people. And I've definitely supported a lot of crap over the years.
I know I'm fucking wasted. When I start writing format tweets. Like a boss.
Twitter is a struggle. But if you hang in there long enough. I promise you will care a little less. As you become irrelevant.
It's official. Today I renamed my ex-girlfriend: "Bitch stop calling me".
Twitter becomes immensely more fun when you just let go and stop giving a fuck. Usually happens right after the 5th drink.
For real. Twitter. I've got so much nothing left to give.
Twitter is like getting ready to live. But never doing a goddamn thing.
Feelings fade & people change. Either way. Thanks Vodka.
If you fuck up a tweet. Delete it. Take a shot of Vodka. And steal another one.
On twitter. Love all. Trust a few. And get drunk enough to not give a fuck who is who.
Sometimes I laugh my ass off at a totally disgusting tweet. But I don't star it. Cause, yeah. That is nasty.
Forecast for tonight: alcohol, low standards and shit tweets.