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Facebook is like a wife u love bcuz you've been together 4 so long & Twitter is ur slutty mistress ur obsessed with & do nasty shit 2
To cut a bitch
Or not cut a bitch
That is the question
Discovered new black spiced rum called Kraken. I'm bringing it to the next party just so I can say, "release the Kraken!"
Sometimes I wish I did drugs so there was an explanation for the asinine bullshit I get myself into.
Honestly, I don't believe in heaven but I know there's a hell because I live in it.
Tip of the Day: Ladies if your midsection resembles that of a pot belly pig, the crop top is not for you.
I'm amazed at how Twitter can turn grown ass men into petty whiny bitches.
I swear if I didn't have a short cut to UrbanDictionary.com I wouldn't have a clue what some of you were referencing.
Listen fuckers who say if you don't do this/that like this then "you're doing it wrong." You're doing your whole fucking life wrong.
Do your boobs hang low
Do they wobble to & fro
Can you tie thm in a knot
Do your boobs hang low
If so you should run thru
the grocery store
If you ever need a reminder of how racist & narrowminded our society is, just stay on here long enough & it'll show up in your TL.
Twitter goes down like a whore in the red light district suddenly all the cool kids cry they have no followers, welcome to my world bitches!
It appears as if this girl's eyes are on the side of head. Either this is a result of sibling lovin' or I've just found Kermit's love child.
Hey, does the chinese food I'm eating count as celebrating cinco de mayo if a mexican made it? It's like a mexicanese dish, no?
It's times like these that I wish I could blame my craziness to being off my meds. (side note: must set doc appt to get meds)
I know Florida is home to Disneyworld but did they really need to let Dopey & Goofy on the jury?
I hate when non sexy people wear sexy outfits. That's why sexiness is always teetering on the edge of extinction.
This woman is walking around using a shih tzu as a hairpiece.
I stepped on a manhole & fell into a Kardashian. #HowToBeHilariousByTomBrady
Why aren't any of these fuckers on facebook interesting? I thank Jesus, my mexican landscaper for Twitter. J/K his name is Jorge...or Juan?
Who gives a fuck about a bio, you should care about the person. And I'm personable.
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