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Money is waiting for me at the end of the rainbow. Not in US currency, but in a type of coin made out of crushed chicklets and soap.
If you eat a big mac, a whopper and a burrito supreme in one sitting, the face of the cowardly lion will appear as a stain in your underwear
The health marshall at the farmers market looked like he needed to be checked for fleas. Next to him, I wasnt worried about the food at all
I just spotted my dog pulling the telephone into the bedroom... oh, now she closed the door, locked it and... wait
My Grandma told me... "you just try to knock me out, and I would kick you square in the fruity pebbles and then stomp your ugly face uglier"
My Grandma stopped by this morning to bring me some pine scented candles. Now, my place smells like a plywood processing plant... ho, ho, ho
╔═╗╔══╗╔══╗╔╗╔══╗╔╗╔╗╔╝║╔═╗ ║╬║╚╗╔╝╚╗╔╝║║╚╗╔╝║╚╝║║║║║╩╣ ╚╩╝═╚╝══╚╝═╚╝═╚╝═╚══╝╚═╝╚═╝ Good Morning Twitter!
Silicon Valley... home of the pita bread, sprout and processed american cheese sandwich and riding your Segway to the unisex bathroom.
My dog wakes up early and send emails to people that she does not like... Nothing better than waking up to a nice "I Hate Your Face' email.
Most politicians are lawyers... and we know where that got us. Why don't we elect some pie makers, firemen, and grocery clerks, next time!
Lookout! My girlfriend is shopping today... The last time she went shopping on #BlackFriday her credit cards melted and warped from overuse.
5 Reasons not to #follow someone No 5: they follow, then unfollow an hour later... then, they change their picture, and follow again!
If they legalize marijuana... I predict that the beer sales will drop by 47%, but cookie sales will increase by approximately 72%
Just living the good life with my dog (pictured) and poking fun of the world around us... I do tweet a lot of music too!