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I'm still using my 2012 dog calendar which last year was my 2011 dog calendar. Basically I have trash hanging on the wall.
It's pretty clear how my dogs voted, as I watch them from the window eating shit in the backyard.
A marathon is going on today. Or a really boring game of tag. Or the herd was spooked again.
Now I lay me down to sleep
I beg for someone to rub my feet.
If I should die before I wake
Something something blah blah cake.
My car apparently has a coolant leak.
I hope it's nothing eating mac-and-cheese can't fix, because thats about all I can afford right now.
If it gets awkward when you finish a bro shake with butterfly kisses, that's just their insecurity.
"FURline fracture," I corrected the veterinarian.
There are two types of people in this world: I hate them both.
People who give a totd trophy without retweeting make me stay up all night 3 months later biting my nails and worrying it was by accident.
When done wrong, favstar gets a bad reputation. When done right, favstar connects you with an audience who appreciate your thoughts, haters.
On a scale from 1 to 10, shut the fuck up a 10.
This dumbass neighbor kid called my dog orange when she's clearly golden sandstorm...
The pasta is finished when it sticks to the wall, which is convenient because all my plates and bowls are dirty.
I hate when people cancel plans with me last second, until I get off the phone with them and dance back to bed with excitement!
I only need like 10,000 more followers before I can start talking to people like they are completely beneath me through DM.
Not giving a fuck is a 1:1 ratio of indifference and alcohol.
I don't want to be in acute love triangle, but I'm totally down for a threesome.
You'd think my Facebook friends would be embarrassed that they still live in Tennessee, no prospects, pregnant, and engaged.
Stealing the dogs water bowl to eat cereal took my lazy disposition towards dishes to a completely new level.