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I'll probably be reincarnated as a sink that's dick height..
I was so much funnier when you thought I was a girl..
Pumpkin scented hand soap is gonna get someone killed.
I'll drive you to the abortion clinic of your choice because I'm a gentleman or some shit.
I went over budget writing this tweet.
If you tell me a secret and it's not about a third nipple we're not friends anymore.
Don't pray for me. I've got enough problems.
Wondering when owls find the time to have sex.
I hear putting your junk on craigslist is beautiful this time of year.
A girl thanked me for sex once. True story.
Bitches cause itches.
Purchasing shovels and rakes to make up for my lack of hoes..
I'll make you a balloon animal if you hop in the van.
Bleed for 7 days straight and not be a girl.
Relapsing to the oldies.
I'm not picking my nose. I'm parting my hair.
Minnesota keeps telling the same joke.
*pistol whips kid **continues playing laser tag
Family Reunion on COPS