Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
A smoking section but for loud eaters.
I'll probably be reincarnated as a sink that's dick height..
*pistol whips kid **continues playing laser tag
I was so much funnier when you thought I was a girl..
Pumpkin scented hand soap is gonna get someone killed.
Only give me two roofies. I gotta drive.
Deaf leopard is in town so the hotels are filled with sexy ass dehydrated 50 year olds with c section scars and $30 tattoos..
I'll drive you to the abortion clinic of your choice because I'm a gentleman or some shit.
I went over budget writing this tweet.
If you tell me a secret and it's not about a third nipple we're not friends anymore.
*throws 93 cents in the yard and tells kids they can come back in when they find the whole dollar
Don't pray for me. I've got enough problems.
Wondering when owls find the time to have sex.
Fishing and PCP.
Got a D- on my HIV test.
Bitches cause itches.
I hear putting your junk on craigslist is beautiful this time of year.
Woke up to a dog trying to bury me.
Hoping I die alone so nobody fucks with my body position.