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Sometimes in my most dark and sinister moments I threaten to kill people with kindness.
Johnny Cash did not kill a guy in Reno. Steven Wright didn't have a pony. Tracy Morgan wouldn't stab his kid in the neck. Use your brain.
Since cops are now judge, jury and executioners let's at least replace them with awesome Robocops so we can enjoy the cool tech while we die
The worst aspect of our raised-in-a-reality-show-casting-call society is the notion that being loud & rude leads to fame & fortune.
I've only been wearing my new pants for about 2 hours but I've already been called "fancy pants" twice. It was me who said that but still.
If your idea of "taking a STAND" involves either going to or avoiding a particular fast food restaurant, you are a moron.
Chad Riden is the comedian / nerd behind @ComedyNews @NSup @NashvilleComedy @ComedyPodcast & other stuff. Also, America's Favorite Comedian Of All Time.