I don't like annoying people.
I like annoying people.

There are no ugly men. Only poor ones.

Blahblah pussy blahblah fuck blahblah me
There I inserted the formula. Now RT me like I'm a fucking genius.

I like my men how I like my drinks- non alcoholic.

Don't get me wrong, I love babies. I'm just fucking scared of one growing inside me and stealing all the food.

Curry is one of the few food items that enter and exit your body looking and feeling similar.

Sometimes I wonder if Victoria Beckham actually implanted oranges in her chest.

You can't survive on Twitter if you're afraid of being followed at night.

If you exceed 1000 followers can you declare yourself a religion?

Life's a whole lot smoother with KY Jelly.

I personally think nipples showing through shirts are hotter than mounds of exposed clevage.

When a hot guy says he is gay, girls lose hope. When a hot girl says she is gay, he doubles his hopes.

You guys are such a bunch of whiny bitches. Now go sit in the corner and tweet about what you said.

Have you ever tweeted about tweeting a tweet?
IN-FUCKING-CEPTIONNNN

Amazing how 140 characters can CHANGE YOUR LIFE

If you are more interested in a bunch of sweaty dudes running after a ball than my oiled up ass, I'm gonna assume you're gay.

Fuck me I'm schizo.
Hurry up before conservative me comes back from her toilet break.

I prefer flirting with girls because they wouldn't try to stick their opinions in me.

Whoever created the deep fryer had too much time and even more oil.

Did you hear that voice telling you not to eat that cheesecake? Yeah me neither.