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Oh so it's ok for Dirty Harry to do it, but I'm not allowed to do it??
@johnmoe Advertisement: "New CrimeFace Anti-Guilt Facial Moisturizer. Look innocent as the day you were born"
Exercise tip for aging dudes: Just make sure your pecs stick out farther than your gut and everything will fall into place.
Whenever food is stuck in my teeth, I get really pissed off at my dentist. I mean, what am I paying that guy for?
Buyer beware: The cobb salad at Tender Greens in Santa Monica has virtually no cobb in it.
You're either with me or you're against me or you haven't decided or you're like, "Who is Charley?"
The most destructive cyber attack would be a virus that disabled the "undo" button.
The comforting thing about being in a committed relationship is that's one person you definitely know how to greet when you see her.
It's tough for me to get into an audiobook until I've listened to it enough times to be able to talk along.
I'm very good at spotting awesome potential nicknames. In fact, why not just call me "The Potential Nickname Spotter."
@mattingebretson If you have a girl she can come hang with my daughter, Female Dale.
I'm really perfecting this "Jeez, where could all my silly friends be?" character.
At a bar that's so dark I can't tell if my friends are here, is how I'm acting so no one knows I'm here alone.
Why wouldn't @charliedaniels and I do some sort of project together? Seems perfect.
I don't shy away from a situation just because there might be Thomas. In fact, Thomas is my middle name.
A full beeskin suit would be expensive, so I'm just getting the gloves.
The U.S. Jambassador to Funkistan
