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Life is so fucking fragile. Like what you do. Love someone with everything you have. Tell the ones you love that, in fact, you do.
You make me have bathing suit area feelings. As well as stupid, needless brain area feelings and ridiculous heart area feelings.
You. Me. Your place. Star Wars. Snacks. No pants, for comfort. Let's do this.
Guys, I'm only like 9,277 followers away from 10,000. I'm so close, my boner is going to break the seams on these pants.
Hey guys, I'm only 9,445 followers away from 10,000. Help a guy out, eh? Please RT. Please.
Noted. Talk politics, gain followers. Make sex jokes, get retweeted and interacted with. Obvious step, make political sex jokes.
Sext: yo! What u wearing? Nvm, I'm done.
It's not masturbating while thinking of you. It's just practicing for when it happens. #hopelessromantic
Everything I do, I do it for you... well, I do it for me, but if it's your thing and works for you too, that's just perfect.
Fuck you distance. Fuck you to fucking hell. You stupid, ignorant fuck. Fuck, why haven't I invented teleportation yet?
For fuck sakes. If you don't like people on twitter, DON'T FUCKING FOLLOW THEM. DON'T READ THEIR FUCKING TWEETS. Grow the fuck up. #stop
Mmm bop. Mmm mmm bop. Woo de doop mmm bop. There. Now it's in your head now too.
My milkshake brings all the girls to the yard. Only, instead of a milkshake, it's wine and tacos.
Congratulations to Mississippi for finally, fully officially banning slavery. Good hustle guys.
Sext: I'll make you cupcakes, and you can eat one while I go down on you. Two even.
I'm belligerently awesome. Everything here is literally literal. If you don't like that, fuck you in the pants. I'm all cute and shit.