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Just went into "menswear" at Debenhams and shouted "cunt yourselves up the fuckslot, shitpuffins". Turns out that's not what it means at all
I do feel sorry for #Huhne. No, really. I mean, imagine being that much of a self-serving cowardly lying cunt all your life. Exhausting.
Thank you to everyone who has made this possible. And now, you will witness the power of this FULLY ARMED AND OPERATIONAL BATTLE STATION.
If #porntrial rules against video of men with their hands up bottoms, there'll be no more Sooty & Sweep, Basil Brush or ConDem coalition.
Lefties: under Wilson (remember him?), 260k miners lost their jobs. Under Thatcher, 193k. That is something called a "fact". Try it. "Fact".
#GamesToDescribeSex Battleship - hopelessly flailing about trying to hit the spot, occasional success by chance, sinking feeling afterwards.
I am the Ghost of Christmas Pluperfect, and I am here to show you what would have happened had you done certain things differently #grammar
Retired people "a burden on society", says unelected Lord and all-round clam-hammock who claims £500 a day just for turning up.
A. A kangaroo is an Australian marsupial. A kangaroot is a Geordie stuck in a lift.
@rufushound You have a motorbike. I don't have a motorbike. Why don't I have a motorbike? I want a motorbike. I'll take your motorbike.
"MAN-EATING FOXES! Erm... HORSEMEAT! Erm... SNOW! LOOK AT THE SNOW! For fuck's sake, don't mention the NHS. Erm... KITTENS!" - BBC News
Still, on the bright side, Italy's economy is in dreadful shape so they'll all soon be living in skips and giving handjobs for cash.
Lembit Opik is such a complete arse, he'll probably try to smuggle a cake in for #Huhne, hidden inside an enormous hack saw.
SURVIVAL GUIDE: If confronted by #aggressivehomosexuals, stay completely still and for God's sake don't do anything fabulous, duckie.
Dave? "Yeah, Kev?" Dem Muslims wot done dat soldier? "Yeah, Kev." We should do summing. "Yeah, Kev". Let's bottle a copper. "Yeah, Kev" #EDL
#footballersasremsongs Everybody Rolls Around On The Ground Pretending It Hurts.
Unruly toddler? Simply purchase a "twin pushchair", and tell him he used to have a brother who wouldn't do what he was told. #parenting
Doing time.
